I am attending a three-day intensive in London. This will go deep into our Being – how we can choose to be in our lives. We’ll spend time looking at how we can shift our mindset to live life in a more fulfilling and graceful way.
A big part of living the life we want is around commitment. We can only achieve the things we want by seriously committing to them. And whilst this may sound obvious, the reality is that we tend to be far less committed to the things we say we will do than we think.
A high level executive thought that he kept his word around 90% of the time. When he actually started counting, the actual percentage is lower to 20%. This is probably the case for most of us as well.
Think about the times that you have casually told someone that you’d love to catch up with them, or that you’ll drop them an email. How many times do you actually do it? Once you start counting them, chances are that the number will add up incredibly quickly.
At its more extreme, we can see this behaviour in the workplace when we are frequently missing deadlines, or not showing up to meetings. I read once that a coach was working with an executive who would accept 3 meetings at the same time and just decide on the day which one he would show up to. How are you meant to build trust with that attitude?
One of the biggest shifts in my life has been going deeper into my commitments. I am not perfect, but I am far more consistent than I used to be. Generally, if you drop me a message, or ask something from me and I say I will do it, I make it happen.
This has had a profound impact on my relationships both in work and in my personal life. People actually see me as authentic and reliable, rather than simply someone who promises then never delivers.
Life has a way of testing us, and this week has been the test of my commitment to commitments.
I had committed to attending this intensive. On Wednesday I learnt my Eurostar to travel to London was cancelled due to strikes in France, and I couldn’t change it until next week.
But maybe these are the challenges we’re meant to face. I could have chosen to cry woe into the world, or I could choose to figure out a way to deal with it.
I checked out flights, and it was possible for me to fly Friday morning at 4am and arrive at 6am to Heathrow. Although technically feasible, I’d rather not arrive with a dishevelled amount of sleep if I could avoid it. It was also 200 euros which is rather pricey. But at least it was an option. Plus there’s another strike on Belgium on Friday (welcome to continental Europe- how fun!) so it would probably be complicated to get to Brussels Airport.
So instead I found a coach, which would be a 10 hour ride. It wasn’t ideal, but I could make it work. I decided to go on Wednesday night to give me some rest on Thursday before attending the intensive. Getting to the station was a bit of an ordeal as the metro in Brussels was with reduced service, but I made it. I then proceeded to wait. First I waited 30 minutes, then 60. The coach didn’t come. A fellow traveller called the bus company, and they could not locate the bus. The only solution that they gave was to wait another few hours for the next bus at 3am and staying overnight in Lille.
I decided to book a new coach for the next day and head back home in Brussels. The travel home took longer than normal, and I got home at midnight with the same suitcase and backpack I had left with a few hours before.
On Thursday evening, I repeated the wait for the bus. It didn’t arrive at the scheduled hour of 10:35pm which led to a few concerns when I let my mind wonder, but it did eventually came 20 minutes later.
I am now writing this around Victoria Station at 7am. The Intensive starts at 8:15, and the venue is very close by. I got some hours of sleep on the coach, but we had to get out of the coach for passport control and when taking the ferry from Calais to Dover. So I’ve had around 4 hours of interrupted sleep.
In a funny way, this experience has been perfect. It has been the ideal test of my new way of living – genuinely committing to something and making it happen, whatever issues arise. There is something really powerful to know that I can deal with a situation like this now that I have dealt with it here. It shows me the power in committing, and the power of myself.
As I dealt with the situation, I had three reflections:
- I’m choosing how I responded to this situation. Rather than getting caught up in angst or frustration, I can simply accept and move on. Even now, I can spend time thinking about how this is even more travel in a fortnight where I’ve probably spent 20+ hours on flights/trains, or I can just accept it and get on with life.
- When I did not buy into the panicked mind, it allowed me to settle and assess my options. Within a few minutes I came up with alternative solutions to the cancelled train – planes, coaches, blablacars etc. When we focus, we can figure things out quite quickly. I was also decisive in my actions to ensure I didn’t miss out on the coach ticket (I wasn’t the only one who was on the cancelled train now looking for a way to London).
- I understand the importance of being my commitments. I committed to this intensive, and so I will be there. If things come in my way, I will find another way. Being my word has been a complete gamechanger for me, and the more I lean into it, the more benefits I will gain.
Now my adventure makes for a nice tale. But I invite you to read it for yourself – what can you see about how committed you are (or not) around the things in life?
Many people I get in contact with around coaching want change in their lives, but often they are plagued with uncertainty or let other things take precedence. This can be things like work and family, or it can simply be that people are not feeling like doing the thing they have to do to change their life.
When we truly commit, we carve the space out to do what we need to do. We also don’t let our temporary feelings get in the way or wait until we feel ‘motivated’. From this space, we act, and we can create incredible, beautiful things. We can have whatever it is that we want in life.
This is the power of commitment. And it is available to you, if you are willing to commit to it.