I’ve been inspired to try satirical writing. So as a bonus second article this week, here’s a short tale for you. It is different different to my usual posts, so I would love to hear if you enjoy it. For what it’s worth, I enjoyed writing it.
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The clock strikes 13:07. Senior Assistant Director Robert Roberts of Growth Impact Synergies Corporation Inc. clears his throat to usher attention. The crowd quietens with anticipation. Well, this is a virtual meeting so there isn’t any noise, and the anticipation is wanting this to be over with as soon as possible.
‘I am delighted to welcome you to our second growth synergisation information session, otherwise known as our Learn and/or Lunch series’ said Robert. ‘Last week we had an extremely interesting session on wellbeing and taking breaks. I personally learnt a lot, and it was a shame we had to cut it short so people could go to their meetings at 2. Still, the great thing about this format is being able to multitask eating with learning so no loss there.’
‘This week, I am delighted to welcome Angela from our Media Communications Information Intelligence Team, who will be talking to us about clear messaging.’
‘It’s great to be here’ said Angela. ‘We want this to be an extremely interactive session. As such we’ve made this a 35 minute session, although we’ve already lost seven of those because the Director meeting overran. Nonetheless, I will try and get through my presentation as quickly as possible.’
Angela starts sharing her short presentation of 47 slides. John from HR, one of the attendees, wondered whether there would be enough time to get through it all. However, he was unable to say anything as there was no time for input.
‘In order to have clear messaging, or as we like to call it, dynamic information extrapolation and dissemination, or DIED for short, it is important to explain what we mean at each step’, said Angela, without explaining dynamic information extrapolation and dissemination meant. Angela set out how important it was to be clear internally on what each other was doing. It was for this reason the Media Communications Information Intelligence Team held two hour meetings every morning where they each gave a short 15 minute update. For the rest of the business, it was now clear why their team never responded to emails before 12pm.
Angela spoke for another 30 minutes until it became apparent there was no time left. Senior Assistant Director Roberts who had been checking his emails, realised Angela had stopped talking. He quickly turned his microphone back on. ‘Errr, thanks Angela for that…fascinating presentation. I took a lot away from it, such as, well, you know, I think it spoke for itself. I know we are out of time, but I wondered whether there are any questions?’. Junior Assistant Director Mo Gates puts up his electronic hand. The audience groan (which would have got them in trouble if it weren’t for their muted microphones).
‘Hi, thanks so much for a great presentation, and a special thank you to Robert for organising.’ said Mo, who happened to be managed by Robert. ‘I was wondering whether the Growth Impact Synergies Corporation would benefit from greater synergising across teams to ensure enhanced cooperation’.
‘Yes excellent point Mo, I think we could all benefit from greater synergising across teams’ said Angela.
‘You took the words right out of my mouth Angela’ Robert added, ‘synergising is our greatest strength and we only great stronger through it. I hope in the future we can find new ways of cross-team synergisation through clear messaging. Well, great I have to go as I’m already 10 minutes late to a session with my mentee. That was an excellent session, and sorry once again that we have overrun by 20 minutes as I know some of you have to present to our biggest client now. But as we learnt from last week, it’s important to have a break, so remember – take time away from your laptops and go for a walk.
‘
Before ending the meeting, Robert said: ‘Next, we have a Learn and/or Lunch on efficient ways of working. I think we’ll need to postpone that till next month though since our Director meeting will run over, and the week after is a holiday. Anyway, I’m sure we’ll get to it some point. Thank you all for listening’.