Author: tahmidchowdhury

Taking the brain out of my life’s driver’s seat

Without realising it, my brain has been in overdrive the last few weeks.
I travelled like ‘normal’ for the first time – heading to the UK after work by hopping onto the train on Friday night. I attended The Ultimate Experience, an event around ‘Being’ – choosing who we want to be and being challenged to go further in the way I live my life.

The idea that we can decide who we want to be in life is both extremely liberating and daunting – I can effectively decide what personality I want to have, and I do not need to be driven by my ego in terms of how I react to situations, nor be defined by my labelled identity.

If you want change, you need to want something new

When we want to change something, it can often be hard to figure out what we want to change. The easy part is to say that whatever we have right now is not working for us, and that we need to shift this into another thing. But the harder part is deciding what this new thing we want to do should be.
The focus can quickly become on how bad everything is right now, and therefore the change is needed to fix things. Change in of itself becomes the solution, whatever that change might be.
Whilst this is perhaps a good starting point, most of the time it is not enough to want change for change sake.

Do we really need motivation to achieve our goals?

‘I’d love to do that! My problem is that I find it tough to find the motivation’
How often do we hear this phrase?
We treat the idea of motivation as a sacred, finite resource akin to a rare gem. It is our version of the Felix Felicius from Harry Potter, a mysterious potion of unknowable quantity that enables us to do magic things.
So can we simply rid ourselves of the idea of motivation? Perhaps, perhaps not. I will let you decide that for yourself. But I do believe we can stop focussing on motivation. Instead, we can look to create commitment, with which we are far more likely to reach our goals.

The more we judge others, the more we judge ourselves

We judge people. What clothes they wear, what job they do, how much sugar they put in their tea.

Judgment comes from an upbringing in society which puts moral values on what is right and wrong. Our parents, teachers and institutions around us want us to decide the right choices to become the right sort of people.

Whilst well-intentioned, these moral values are generally placed upon us, rather than formed by us as individuals.

Fortunately, there is a way forward. The first step is an acceptance of others and how they want to live life. But I also think there is a greater step. We can decide to reshape how we view the world, and how we live by our own values.

How willing are you to really commit?

Many of us want things to change in our lives. A better career, greater happiness, a higher level of fulfillment. But are we willing to make the commitment?

It is an odd quirk of life that the things that give us the greatest level of fulfillment are those that take longer to achieve.

I want to share a story about a man named Deuce Lutui. Deuce played in the National Football League in the US. Through a chance encounter, he met with a man named Steve Hardison, often referred to as The Ultimate Coach.

Returning to the paradox of London

Before the pandemic I had lived and worked in London for around five years. So I had a mix of excitement, anticipation and trepidation returning.
Time away gives a fresh sense of curiosity. I saw an incredible paradox in London which I had never outwardly expressed before.

I believe people make the reality they want. This is true in life, but never is it more visible than in a place like London.

How do you see the world around you?

We meet two types of people. One believes they can change. The other believes they can’t. Which one is correct?

Both are.

So much of our existence is made up of our thoughts and beliefs. These shape how we see the world around us, and how we ultimately live our lives. Even if we may believe that we are objective, rational human beings, underneath there is a whole layer of how our beliefs shape our existence around us.

Why we fall into the trap of people pleasing

It’s nice to be liked – We want our family, peers and friends to like us. But what if we are spending so much time on wanting to be liked that we’re not listening to what we truly want?

Our behaviour becomes focused around how we can make other people like us. This is to the detriment of what we believe, or want to do. Nearly everyone has some experience around wanting to make friends at school. The idea of being solitary was labelled as being a ‘loser’, and the idea of sitting alone at the lunch table was filled with inconceivable dread.