Next week is National Inclusion week in the UK, following which is Black History Month in October (also the UK date!); two important calendar dates for those involved in Diversity and Inclusion.
For anyone who hasn’t entered the office workplace, ‘Diversity and Inclusion’ or D&I sounds like some garbled office speak; indeed that was certainly my impression when I first started my career. Some also stick in Equity or Equality in the title. But why does this matter?
Diversity and Inclusion is looking at how we embrace difference and use it to our advantage in our workspace. It is about valuing people for who they are and being open to different opinions and backgrounds. At its best, it is about bringing different voices together to form a better decision-making process for optimal outcomes.
When I first entered the workplace, I found the concept quite strange. Naively, I rather presumed that Diversity and Inclusion was somewhat obvious – surely people would be treated on the merits of what they do, and valued for their own experiences?
Unfortunately, most office environments have a particularly hierarchical dynamic, with little chance to input. This usually means that the ‘boss’ gives their opinion and everyone else scrambles to enact it. There is little discussion as to whether the option is the best one. In an increasingly complex world, the opinion from one person is less likely to be correct now more than ever.
So Diversity and Inclusion is about trying to break through all of this. By bringing in people with diverse backgrounds, whether it be coming from an impoverished background, ethnic minorities, LGBT+, individuals with a disability or any other number of characteristics, we are bringing in different experiences. This helps us understand our ever-growing diverse customer base. It is worth noting:
18% of Working Age Population reported they have a disability today
1 in 2 young people (18-25) did not define as “100% straight” in a YouGov poll from 2015
As of 2011 14% of the UK are ethnic minorities. This number will increase with the next census in 2021. Over 30% of of people in London are ethnic minorities.
However, genuine inclusion is critical. For those of us who have worked in the area, we have often seen diversity schemes fail due to their inability to integrate diverse individuals, meaning they are often sidelined or simply an intern sitting on the side of the meeting taking notes. Diversity without Inclusion usually leads to worse results than no effort at all, as bringing in people from diverse backgrounds with little attempt to integrate them will simply create disharmony.
The latest influential report by McKinsey ‘Diversity wins: how inclusion matters’ demonstrates that more diverse boards have a much higher likelihood of financial performance, making this a business imperative. And in a continuing fight for the best talent between firms across the world, we can no longer restrict ourselves to the same talent pools as we once used.
So I hope you can take a moment to celebrate Inclusion week next week if you are in the UK. Even if you do not work in D&I particularly, you can still attend events online, support any diversity staff networks you may have or voluntary initiatives outside of the workplace.
You can find all the rest of my articles at https://tahmidchowdhury.co.uk/blog/. Sign up to my mailing list if you would like to receive them on a weekly basis to ensure you don’t miss them!
It has been a pretty uncomfortable journey during quarantine. For those of us fortunate enough to own our gizmos of electronic devices, much of our social and work interaction has now moved online. I have both a work and personal phone, a work and personal laptop as well as TV, games console and tablet. These are all within 10 metres of where I spend most of my time. It is crazy to count the sheer amount of things I have around me to keep me entertained.
Remember when the lockdown first started, and our ability to just pop to the shops for basically anything was curtailed? It was difficult making this shift, as we suddenly had to change our behaviour to restrict our ability to just get or do what we want pretty much whenever. For me living in London, shops were often open until 9pm. But even then, we adjusted, and simply moved our behaviours to online shopping and entertained ourselves through online streaming services and social media.
And whilst the technology serves its purpose and is a positive way to keep us connected, there are certainly negative side effects that have slowly grown into our habits. For example, we are unable to sit still and simply be without needing to reach for our phones. If you don’t believe me – try it.
Try for the next few minutes to simply sit down and do nothing.
It is a little scary at how difficult this is to do.
We are unable to sit still without feeling anxious and fidgety. When sitting in a waiting room or standing in the queue for a till, we often just take out our phone out of pure habit, and we scroll through the latest news and our social media platforms without even thinking. I opened my web browser every time I got out my phone as pure muscle memory. So when I moved the shortcut button off my homepage I ended up constantly pressing a blank button. I did that at least five times in about six hours.
As a society, we are growing increasingly aware of the dangers of spending too much time on social media and the effect it has on our mental health. This connection is also having issues with our sleep – we often look at our phones before going to sleep and as soon as we wake up. Our brains get tired from the constant simulation, and we feel low due to the streams of negative news and our comparison of people achieving far more than us. Even when we take a ‘day off’, we usually lie in bed scrolling on our phones! We know this is the case, but find it extremely difficult to stop our behaviour patterns.
So what do I propose? Whilst spending less time on social media would certainly be a positive intention, it is far easier said than done. Whilst I do things like putting my phone on airplane mode and make sure I shut my laptop at the end of the day, if I’m not careful the overwhelming urge to check the internet will override any attempts I make. Realistically, I rely on technology for my way of life, so going cold turkey isn’t going to work in the long term.
Instead, I believe in treating the root cause of the problem. Which is, as you’ve probably guessed, overcoming our fear of being bored. We feel so uncomfortable by it that we need to find something to do. Even if we don’t want to. We are unable to sit still.
I went for some brunch this weekend, and there was a bird sitting within a nest, presumably warming its egg. I was there for an hour or so, and the bird just sat there. The bird did not fidget. It did not start making adjustments to its nest. It certainly didn’t need to check its phone. It just sat. I only watched it for the hour, but it sat there much longer. Can we be like a humble bird in a nest?
What we can try is to take some time every day to sit still and do nothing. Remove ourselves from distractions and just simply be. Indeed lots of mindfulness and meditation exercises are based upon this premise. And if you find it difficult because your mind is constantly racing, remember that it takes practice, and that you can always return to concentrate on your breathing.
It is going to be very uncomfortable at first. But little by little, it is possible. After all, even a generation ago we didn’t have this issue. And as time goes on, the next time you have a break, hopefully you won’t feel the urgent need to look at the latest news, or your Instagram feed. Instead, you might be able to simply enjoy a quick walk outside for some fresh air.
We all love giving advice. After all, with our vast and varied life experience, who wouldn’t find what we say valuable? And in an age of ever-more free flow of conversation, collaboration and agile working, surely throwing our opinions into the mix will help the great melting pot of ideas?
But it can be pretty annoying that the people around us can often ignore us. Take that work colleague that keeps getting stuck up on how their spreadsheet is formatted. You’re pretty sure they’ve spent the last two hours fiddling away with it and will probably leave work late again. Out of the kindness of your heart, you pop over and helpfully state ‘If I were you I wouldn’t worry about it’.
Frustratingly, the colleague will reply something ‘yeah, you’re probably right, but I am just trying to get this one thing right’ and continue as if you had said nothing at all. How exasperating, we were only trying to help and yet we were completely ignored.
Let’s flip this around. Imagine we’re trying to decide what next career move we want to go for. It’s confusing, and it’s hard to know what exactly the right answer is. We casually mention this to an acquaintance. This then suddenly prompts a long monologue that we should get into coding as this is the new craze. Their cousin started doing it and is now earning a six figure sum and living in the States. We politely nod, but are immediately turned off by the fact we have absolutely zero interest in coding whatsoever. This doesn’t stop the person giving his advice. We squirm, desperately searching for the nearest exit.
I am certain that every one of us has been in both situations. On the one hand, we are driven to be helpful and give our thoughts and experiences. On the other hand, for the most part, we detest unsolicited advice.
So how can we do this all a bit more constructively? Well, I personally believe that we find unsolicited advice annoying for good reason: it is often a non-contextual thought that takes little account of us, and often is more to make the giver feel better rather than actually genuinely being helpful. Having heard a lot of terrible advice myself, I’m quite happy to ignore random opinions that pay little interest in my personal wants and needs. I realise that sometimes there will be good advice splattered in there, but I know that I find it much harder to take seriously if I’ve not asked for it.
So if the reception of the advice is not the problem, then perhaps we need to focus on the delivery. We want to give advice because we feel we have relevant experience, and so believe we are going to help that person. Let’s face it, giving advice makes us feel wise, experienced and knowledgeable. In other words, it strokes our ego.
But are we really focusing on what is genuinely helpful here? If the advice only serves to antagonize and stress the person, you are being unhelpful, despite the implicit idea of giving advice being well-meaning. This includes even if it is good, solid advice. So in actual fact, it would have been better to have said nothing at all.
Now this is quite a strange concept in our culture of encouraging gregarious, chatty people. It can certainly feel uncomfortable having something burning to contribute and not doing so. And yet, in certain situations this would be the optimal outcome. So perhaps take a moment to think whether your advice will actually be received gratefully before offering it. You are an intelligent human being, and you will know when someone is open to advice or not. So use the social cues in the conversation.
I leave you with one other final but related thought: if we spent half as much time following our own advice as we do spend advising others, we would all be twice as advanced as a society. So if you’re struggling with this nagging urge to give your advise, perhaps the best person you can advise is yourself.
You can find all the rest of my articles at https://tahmidchowdhury.co.uk/blog/. Sign up to my mailing list if you would like to receive them on a weekly basis to ensure you don’t miss them!
How often is your day wrecked by one of the following: an annoying email request; unhelpful comment from someone you know; bad piece of news whilst scrolling through your newsfeed; or all of the above? How big an effect does this have on your happiness?
Many of us feel unhappy with our current situation, be it due to our finances, current job, relationship, or practically anything else. Some people in life accept this as their lot, and feel they are destined to be a silent form of generally unhappy as that is the cards life dealt them.
Some of us though strive to change our situation. Have a job that makes us miserable? We look to change it. Unhelpful comments from your manager? We look to confront them. By doing this, we expect that by solving the things that are making us unhappy, this will stop the problem and lead us to a land of bliss.
But has this really worked for you – are you now happy?
Yes, we can get a new job which may help, but unless the old one was exceptionally bad, we will probably find things about the new job that frustrate us and not be exactly what we want. Whilst we might confront a colleague over the comments they make, this will probably not solve an underlying issue with their behaviour, and might just shift to an awkward unfriendly relationship.
Perhaps there is a different approach we can take. In all of the examples above, what we have looked to change is the situation around us, rather than changing ourselves. In other words, there are many things that can make us unhappy in life, but do we have to let them make us unhappy?
Let’s take the example of an unhelpful comment from a friend, colleague or relative. These can upset us, and we can often feel torn. We feel upset on the inside, as if we don’t confront them, we will regret it later. But equally, we also calculate whether it is really worth the emotional baggage of a full-blown argument if we do confront them.
Instead, imagine the situation where rather than getting irritated by a small comment, we are simply not be bothered by it. We avoid all of the stress going on internally, and the potential argument with the individual. The situation floats away like a plastic bag in the wind, and we just get on with our life.
Whether we like it or not, we are not in control of what other people say, think or do. We are also not in total control of the situation around us. However, what we can be in control of is how we experience our situation, and whether we allow the situation to make us upset or not.
Now I’m not saying that there is no value in shifting things that are making you unhappy such as your job or financial situation, but we are unlikely to get the fixes we want quickly, and often these might be down to things outside of our control (e.g. a global pandemic!!). It is also important to say that there are times where it is completely legitimate to be unhappy, such as at a funeral. In fact – you probably would want to be sad there.
But in most examples I’ve seen, simply being less upset by things would probably help us. Simply put, most of the things that bother us do not matter in the grand scheme of things. Don’t believe me? Write down all the things that annoyed you in the last week. Now ask yourself how many of them you are likely to recall in your deathbed. For me, the answer is zero.
So how do we get to this zen state of bullet-proof immunity? I would be lying if I said I had got there fully myself! Nonetheless, there are a few things we can do:
Understand that we can be in control of how we feel. We are able to change how we react to a situation. Our job does not force us to be miserable. Instead, we react to the situation of our job by being miserable. We are capable of changing this feeling.
Assess whether the source of negative emotion is genuinely important in the grand scheme of things (is that unwashed mug at the tea point going to be the end of the world?)
Check whether the person who is making a comment actually means to make you feel bad. If they did, does their opinion even matter to you?
Understand that people have their own perspective on things which is most probably different to our own. This will naturally bring up disagreements. It is not personal.
Accept the people around us as flawed but good human beings. Everyone has faults, and will likely display them at some point. At times we might be on the receiving end of it. Again, this is not personal.
So now it’s over to you. How are you going to shift how you feel about the things that are making you unhappy?
Imposter Syndrome is the feeling of being a fraud. Rather than getting to your current position, you feel like you have lucked your way through. You now fear being found out for this fact.
Imposter Syndrome sadly is a fairly common trait in the modern world; probably due to the prevalence of social media leading us to compare our lives with one another, mixed in with impossibly high requirements for entry-level jobs. in my own experience through coaching, it is a topic that has come up alarmingly frequently and is seemingly more prevalent in women and ethnic minorities (probably due to a sense of being an outsider).
The issue with Imposter Syndrome is that it can be extremely debilitating for an individual’s confidence and sense of self-worth. If you do not feel like you belong, you will naturally second guess any action you do. You are probably going to suffer from anxiety from the concern that one day people will realise you don’t deserve to be there. Needless to say, this plays havoc on mental health, career progression as well as your wider sense of well-being.
Unfortunately Imposter Syndrome is also often misunderstood by those who do not suffer from it. The common advice given is to simply be more confident, be more visible in meetings or ‘fake it till you make it’. None of these actually address the underlying issue that of the individual’s self perception, instead it looks to simply cover it up. Whilst this may work in the short term, it will leave the individual still feeling anxious and if anything, even more of a fraud. In other words, this is the equivalent of an emotional band-aid over a crack in the ceiling.
So what can you do to overcome Imposter Syndrome? Here are some ideas to support you:
Don’t take job application rejection or a bad grade personally
There are so many applications we now need to do in life. The reality is that we will all receive thousands of rejection emails over our lifespan. Sometimes it might be that we’re not quite the right fit, sometimes it might be a weird online assessment that just rejects us for not inputting some answers fast enough. Whatever it is, it’s important that we don’t take these rejections to heart. Take some time to learn about recruitment process – it quickly becomes apparent it is often just a game of chance and being able to say the right things at the right time.
The moment I realised applications were really just a hoop-jumping game it took some pressure off, as if I was rejected it meant it was just that I didn’t play the game well enough through application and interview, rather than because I as a person was not good enough. So don’t let the computer saying ‘no’ bring you down, what does it know, anyway!?
Find your cheerleaders
It’s hard to be objective on our own successes, and we are often our own harshest critic. We are more than happy to praise others for their achievements, and support them up when they need it. So following that logic, we will want to surround ourselves with people who will genuinely support us and remind us of what we have achieved.
In the workplace setting, getting a mentor who can be our work ‘cheerleader’ and support us through the ups-and-downs will go a long way in giving us an extra bit of confidence when applying for jobs. Everyone appreciates a second opinion, and if we can build a relationship with someone we can honestly confide in, they can help give us a realistic assessment. This is particularly critical when looking at things like promotions, where our own inner critic is likely going to say we are not ready, or need more experience.
Remember your strengths and successes
Whilst a cheerleader will always be beneficial in our down moments, it is also up to us to tell ourselves our successes and what we are genuinely good at doing.
By knowing what our strengths and successes are, we are more likely to appreciate the journey we have embarked upon to get to where we are now. What often happens is that we realise we take a lot of our achievements for granted, e.g. completing university, getting a job, having a relationship, surviving 6 months abroad etc. However, these facts are critical to what makes us as individuals, and also frame our own story.
If this is difficult for you, take 10-15 minutes with a journal to write down every notable success that you’ve had in your life up to now. Then, dissect why you were successful to get a good idea of what your strengths might be. Now once you have your list of strengths and successes, test whether they fit with the reality you are in now. If they don’t, keep refining the list of strengths that you have until they feel right. This is an ongoing process, and we are always learning more about ourselves.
Reframe where our validation comes from – external to internal
This is the most difficult step, but ultimately the one that will dramatically shift Imposter Syndrome as it will cut off the anxiety from its source. Imposter Syndrome often comes from the worry of others finding out that we are not good enough. The implicit idea behind it is that our validation comes from others in terms of how we are seen by them, rather than from within and what we believe in ourselves.
This most likely comes from our upbringing where we are taught to excel in our grades to gain favour with our teachers and parents, teaching us to feed off external validation, rather than the satisfaction of a job well-done for ourselves. This is a separate point I made in a previous article.
So what can we do to shift our need for approval from others to an internal source of strength? I will admit that this is not an easy journey, and one that will not happen overnight. It would also likely benefit from coaching to better understand the root causes for you as an individual.
One thing you can try is working on your life narrative – your superhero story that looks at how you were born, had difficulties but overcame them to get to where you are today. Building this into a positive message can make a massive difference to our internal sense of worth.
Remember that our mind recalls what we want to recall – if you look at this in a negative mindset you will only remember the times where you did badly or a reason to explain away your achievements. If you look at it from a positive mindset, you are far more likely to recall when you excelled. Using this, you can start to re-route your confidence to stem from your own efforts and achievements, rather than from others giving you validation.
I will be honest in that I’ve not really suffered from Imposter Syndrome (sorry if you made it this far expecting otherwise!). This probably stems from my inner confidence that I have developed, as well as my natural skepticism of following other people’s rules (I am a tempered radical at heart!).
Whilst I have certainly had a very critical inner voice in the past, once I overcame this I did not find this an issue, mainly because I didn’t worry too much what others thought, as long as I believed in myself. That being said, I would re-emphasise the point I made earlier – simply copying me or anyone else who seems confident is unlikely to be successful, as what worked for me will probably not work for you.
This article was a slightly longer one, but I know lots of people have talked around the subject of Imposter Syndrome, so I wanted to make it one useful for you! Let me know if you’ve found it helpful and whether you have any comments on the subject!
Imagine you are on your deathbed. What do you want to look back upon in your life as your proudest achievement(s)?
If they were asked about you, what would your closest friends (and enemies!) say about you?
***
Life can be confusing. At times it can be incredibly hectic and filled with a never-ending list of things to do. Other times it can be unexciting, with our brain is desperately trying to find ways to pass the time (and if you’re especially unlucky, your life can be both hectic and boring…)
As we follow the treadmill of life through our various stages of adolescence through to adulthood, the question that usually is on our minds is often ‘what’s next?’ How do we get that dream job, new house etc.
Let’s take a step back.
Take a moment now to reflect on what you want to do with your life. It does not need to be fully thought out, but just a short statement of what you would like to achieve.
Once you are ready, let’s bring it back to your life right now. Are you on the path to achieving what you want to do?
If you are, then great! You are working towards the achievements you want for your life. Hopefully you are feeling content and fulfilled. If you aren’t, you may want to visit what may be causing this disconnect: whether the reality of your dreams are different to what you had hoped, or perhaps something else.
If you responded ‘no’, how does it feel to say this out loud? If you are feeling motivated to do so, what could you do to make some change in you life to take you towards what you are like to do?
Alternatively, you may be feeling that lots of people have asked you about ‘life missions’, and the honest answer is that you don’t know, which is a completely acceptable response! So if this is the case, what would you like to do to figure this out?
Asking ourselves what we want to achieve, and what our legacy is can feel like a bit of an odd exercise. Nevertheless, I’ve personally always found it extremely enlightening to reflect upon why I do what I do, and what I want to leave behind. It is what motivates me to strive for positive social change through my coaching career.
The modern world is competitive, and the importance of being ‘the best’ is drilled into us from an early age. Parents, teachers and wider society emphasizes this to us pretty quickly: we are told that being the best and brightest through education will get us a good mark; this will get us into a prestigious university and a high-flying career, leading to a successful and happy life.
We understand that this experience of striving for grades at school is stressful, painstaking and can often be a little excessive. And whilst we accept that perhaps judging people at the age of 13 for their end of year exams may be a little premature, we can justify that this is part of a grander scheme of teaching individuals to strive for greater things. In practice, the outcome can be pretty mixed. It’s only in later in life that we realise that what we thought were extremely important things, such as exams are only marginally so.
We come to terms that there are things that we could have done with learning earlier through school, but accept this as a fault in the system. Unfortunately, what we do not realise is the negative effect this whole experiences causes. Constant striving for greater achievements is actually harmful: both for ourselves in our wellbeing and in our professional career.
Firstly, for those that did not ‘achieve’. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to explain why giving people as young as twelve the message that they are a failure for getting a C in their science class is problematic. We learn from parents, teachers and peers that we are simply incapable in this domain, which is now a fact of life for us. It is no wonder why people grow up thinking they are unintelligent; after all, this is simply what they have been told throughout their schooling life.
But what about those who did achieve at school? Unfortunately a different set of unhelpful life narratives develop. High-achievers often define themselves by their higher grades at school, and get branded the brainy ones (or even more unhelpfully are told by aunts and uncles that they will be the next Prime Minister). This means that these high-achievers find they build their self worth by how they are ‘graded’ at school, which carries over into a sense that having a prestigious job title equates to success and doing well. They are also weighed down by the pressure put on them.
This comes crashing down when the realities of the job market hit, and suddenly these ‘high-achievers’ at school who learned to define themselves by their successes are not, by society’s standards, successful as they desperately try to find gainful employment. I’ve spoken to many people who get hit at this stage by a large bout of imposter syndrome – wondering whether everything up to this point was simply a fluke and now they are being found out.
And ironically, this unhealthy defining of ourselves by achievement is also extremely counterproductive in the modern world, as it instills a fear within us of being bad at any skill. And in a world where the world is ever-changing and new skills are needing to be learned every decade, we find ourselves populated with high-achieving and bright individuals paralysed at the idea they are not good enough and scared to be found out about it.
So whilst the solution to this issue is bringing young, bright intelligent people to learn new skills to equip them for an ever-changing future, this is an extremely difficult emotional journey. To do this, we will need to first un-learn many unhelpful life narratives that we have been taught about their own value as individuals being based upon what we are good at, rather than our inherent values and beliefs. We will then need to learn how it is okay to be bad at things, and be able to improve upon them through hard work and dedication.
This will not be an easy ride, but we owe it to explain these realities to those coming through the education system expecting big and bright things society has promised them, only to find an impossible job market.
Let’s face it, sometimes life can be boring. Eat. Work. Sleep. Repeat. We all have grand aspirations in life, but sometimes our day-to-day realities can get in the way. We have a job that is going alright, some old friends that we meet up with on the weekends, and a fairly stable home life. Weekdays are filled with some TV and a takeaway if we’re feeling particularly unenthused by the idea of cooking (which happens far more times than for myself than I care to admit..)
It can be quite easy to get stuck in a bit of a monotonous rut, and none of this is helped by being shut indoors by COVID-19. Whilst we probably have gotten more used to our quarantined existence now, it can get a little bit tiring doing similar things, often in the same boxed room. The days also have a tendency to blur together. The effect this can have is a general sense of numbness – the lack of enthusiasm seeps through wider life, and for me most of the time ends up in an evening slouched on the sofa.
So how can we break this rut that life has got us stuck in? The answer might be something new to stimulate us mentally. Remember the excitement of our first day at work, or taking up a new hobby – When was the last time you experienced that? If it hasn’t been for a while, perhaps you might want to think about finding something new to do to rekindle that creative energy inside of you that might currently be stilted.
A new challenge can take up any form, and doesn’t need to be giant or grand. It can be as simple as learning a new skill or taking a course in something you’ve always wanted to. I started writing these articles in my spare time, often doing this after a long day at work. It’s quite surprising that whilst I usually start writing them feeling quite tired, by the end I’m a lot more energised, with a greater sense of mental sharpness and fulfilment for having achieved something.
And whilst COVID-19 can sometimes make it harder to do certain activities due to being stuck at home, it is quite amazing how much we can still do using digital workarounds. Naturally we’ve all seen the transition of our gym workouts and yoga sessions indoors, but there are equally a great numbers of interesting online course for all sorts of things (look at coursera.org for free courses for instance). I have been taking Spanish and Bengali language lessons online using Italki.com since before the lockdown, which has been a way I keep my language learning up and a sense of development outside of work. If languages aren’t your thing, and you’re lacking inspiration, you could do worse than taking a dip of pretty much any how-to video on Youtube which piques your interest; after all there is an introductory video on pretty much any subject.
In many respects, learning something new is as important now as it probably ever has ever been. There is a key point about our own mental wellbeing, and ensuring that we feel productive whilst being locked up indoors. But also, from a practical point of view, our world of employment and stability is shifting, and you never know when having a backup option of something different might come in handy.
Now, I’m not saying you’re going to start coding tomorrow and become a millionaire overnight. But if coding is something you learn you enjoy, you will probably gain some useful skills and experience out of it. And who knows, let’s say that if you’re working a customer sales job it might give you an insight as to how to improve things within your organisation and get a promotion. You would be surprised how often this happens, and there are certainly plenty of people who have combined seemingly random skills to make a brand new creation that no one would have ever reasonably thought of before.
So it’s good to try new things. But as a word of caution, it’s best to pursue a new hobby or skill that you genuinely enjoy – if you’re doing this activity purely because you feel it will benefit you, you are not likely to be enthusiastic and are far more likely to give it up later down the line. You also won’t find it particularly fulfilling either. So just bear that in mind, especially if you find yourself pushing to gain proficiency in ultra-quick time.
So if you feel like you’ve got some room for some inspiration, why not learn a new hobby or skill?
We’re pretty much done with learning, right? After all, our education system pain-stakingly puts us through around 15 years of learning at school, and anywhere between 3 to 6 years at university. As the old life-script goes, we are born, we go to school, we work, we retire and we die. The suggestion is that we spend the early part of our life learning, until we hit the working age where we are doing until we retire.
Of course, this model accepts there will be some learning; for example as we grow older, get married, have kids etc. But for the most part, our formal ‘studying’ has ended. The life script says that we look to build that 40 years of experience in our field before retiring.
In modern times however, this script no longer works. We are now looking at new technologies and opportunities regularly: for example we are using new software and tools every five to ten years. And probably more importantly, people are wanting to do more with their careers than previous generations. We have far greater opportunities to learn, change and shift than ever before.
This life script was built in an era of sending the majority of the population into factories for manual-labour work, and doesn’t fit in the modern realities we live in today. We now look to move jobs every few years and want the autonomy to do things we enjoy, or switch it up once we want a new challenge.
Unfortunately our education system was not built to prepare us for these new realities. Instead of instilling us a learning mentality of picking up different skills, it rather encourages us to find what we are already good at and specialise in it from an early age. In the UK we usually pick only three to four A-Level subjects by the age of 17 before heading to university to pick one or two.
And whilst specialisation in of itself is not necessarily a bad thing, it does narrow our choices quite quickly. The real problem though is how this builds into our own understanding of learning and being ‘good’ at something. The narrative is that we are naturally good at some things, and bad at others, so it is best to pick your good subjects and leave the bad ones. This leaves little space for us to pick weaker subjects that we learn to improve and picking up the life lesson of perseverance along the way. And whilst not every school can offer courses in fashion design, video editing or coding, schools can instil a mindset of learning new skills whatever your more-traditional subject route may be.
This idea I describe is explained more fully in Mindset by Carol Dweck, an excellent book which sets out the idea of a ‘fixed mindset’ vs a ‘growth mindset’. Essentially, an individuals ability to learn and grow is predominantly based upon their belief in their own ability to learn, rather than any inherent intelligence. If they hold a fixed mindset, they believe their attributes and skills are broadly static, as such they will make little effort to learn and grow outside of what they already know. A growth mindset however is the idea that you can learn and grow, and with this belief you can make efforts to learn new traits and skills.
The book actually demonstrates that we over-emphasise the importance of ‘natural intelligence’, and that in reality people who have exceeded in their fields are mostly ordinary people who worked extremely hard to develop into the best they can be. Examples used are Charles Darwin and Leo Tolstoy, who actually were seen as very ordinary at school, but as we know are household names to this day due to being pioneers in their respective fields.
So bringing this back to us. The modern world gives us more opportunities to shift, learn and grow, even if we weren’t necessarily brought up to be prepared for this. What we do have control over though is our own relationship with learning. If we can shift to a growth mindset, along with the idea that if we work hard enough upon something we can get better, we can succeed in doing things we never believed we could.
As part of this, we need to let go of the notion we are ‘bad’ at something inherently. People I coach often find this idea difficult, as they think they are good at their subject, and bad at others as a matter of fact (which by the way, also puts an unhealthy pressure on making sure they can demonstrate they are good at their ‘good’ subject, leading to efforts of needing to constantly prove themselves). This is not easy, as when we are bad at something, we get frustrated and want to stop. Don’t. Learning doesn’t happen overnight. You have to persevere to learn.
For me, I never wrote articles before, now people tell me they find them valuable. Neither was I a coach, but I just decided one day to take a course because I thought I would enjoy it. Now these are both things I do and no one questions me on it. I wasn’t ‘inherently’ good at either of these, rather I learnt by practicing, and had to overcome being pretty shoddy at first. I should add as well that neither of these are skills I necessarily ‘need’ for my career, and yet by developing them I have far more opportunities for myself in the future.
So, take a moment to think about what new skill you want to learn. How are you going to shift your own mindset to work and get better at this new skill?
Today is the last day in my current role before moving to a new, exciting job on Monday. Whilst I’m staying in the same department, it will be a fresh challenge and exciting new area of work.
Like any moving of roles, the feeling is bittersweet; the change means leaving behind my old team behind where I’ve spent the last two years. And even though I’m not moving far, my day-to-day interactions will fundamentally shift and my relationships changing as a result.
A new job is a new chapter for me, and an exciting next step in my career. And yet, I’ve spent very little time celebrating everything I’ve achieved in my current role, nor taken much time to celebrate finding gainful new employment. Instead, I’m left thinking about the pragmatics of my new job and how I plan to hit the ground running.
So, have I spent enough time recognising what I’ve done over the last two years? I came into a new role on promotion; persevered in a fast-paced and pressurised environment; took up management responsibilities for the first time; shifted roles internally; took up additional responsibilities on delivering diversity and inclusion for my group on top of my current role, all whilst delivering across my work strands to a high standard? Honestly, probably not. In fact, the only time I was boastful about any of my work was during job applications!
So why am I falling into this trap? Perhaps this is due to my ingrained voice telling me not to linger upon my success, as I fear this will make me take my eye off the ball for my next role. Perhaps it’s that my brain is programmed to just look for the next thing to tick off an imaginary list of never-ending achievement in a competitive world. Maybe it’s something else completely.
Whatever the reasoning, it means I move onto the next stage of my career without fully appreciating the challenges I have overcome, the skills I have gained or how far I’ve made it in my journey. Without taking the time to accept my accomplishments, it’s fairly likely I will lose sight of the amount I’ve achieved through perseverance and hard work. I know this is unhelpful as it is going to undermine my sense of self-worth.
The irony is that other people have already pointed these things out to me, and if the situation were reversed I’m sure I would say the same to them too. Unfortunately, I’m guessing that I am like many of us, where we don’t give ourselves credit for the challenges we have overcome or the things we have learnt from our journey. When it is other people though, we are happy to do so.
So perhaps I’ll take a bit of time this weekend to reflect on some of my achievements before starting my new job. If, like me you have neglected to celebrate yourself, you’re invited to join me.
