How much of our reality is based upon our thoughts?
This week I’ve spent time on a retreat in a lovely farm in Kent. I’ve enjoyed getting away from the hustle-and-bustle of my daily routines. This has given me some space to focus on routines and wellbeing.
We spoke about a fellow called Sydney Banks, a man who had a spontaneous enlightenment. He framed these beliefs into what is referred to as the ‘three principles’ – mind, consciousness and thought.
Yesterday was a bank holiday in Belgium so I flicked on a show on Netflix called ‘Insiders’ – a reality TV show which brings together contestants who think they are in the final round of a casting call for a show. What they don’t know is that the camera is already rolling and they are actually already on the show.
it prompted me to think about how differently people behave when they think no one is looking. What is fascinating is that as individuals the people on the show build narratives about their personalities – invincible, brave, caring, loving – and yet when the cameras are ‘off’ (or in this case still on) the behaviour that comes out is completely different.
Letting go of ego-driven behaviour in our lives
When we want to change something, it can often be hard to figure out what we want to change. The easy part is to say that whatever we have right now is not working for us, and that we need to shift this into another thing. But the harder part is deciding what this new thing we want to do should be.
The focus can quickly become on how bad everything is right now, and therefore the change is needed to fix things. Change in of itself becomes the solution, whatever that change might be.
Whilst this is perhaps a good starting point, most of the time it is not enough to want change for change sake.
We judge people. What clothes they wear, what job they do, how much sugar they put in their tea.
Judgment comes from an upbringing in society which puts moral values on what is right and wrong. Our parents, teachers and institutions around us want us to decide the right choices to become the right sort of people.
Whilst well-intentioned, these moral values are generally placed upon us, rather than formed by us as individuals.
Fortunately, there is a way forward. The first step is an acceptance of others and how they want to live life. But I also think there is a greater step. We can decide to reshape how we view the world, and how we live by our own values.
Many of us want things to change in our lives. A better career, greater happiness, a higher level of fulfillment. But are we willing to make the commitment?
It is an odd quirk of life that the things that give us the greatest level of fulfillment are those that take longer to achieve.
I want to share a story about a man named Deuce Lutui. Deuce played in the National Football League in the US. Through a chance encounter, he met with a man named Steve Hardison, often referred to as The Ultimate Coach.
Before the pandemic I had lived and worked in London for around five years. So I had a mix of excitement, anticipation and trepidation returning.
Time away gives a fresh sense of curiosity. I saw an incredible paradox in London which I had never outwardly expressed before.
I believe people make the reality they want. This is true in life, but never is it more visible than in a place like London.
We meet two types of people. One believes they can change. The other believes they can’t. Which one is correct?
Both are.
So much of our existence is made up of our thoughts and beliefs. These shape how we see the world around us, and how we ultimately live our lives. Even if we may believe that we are objective, rational human beings, underneath there is a whole layer of how our beliefs shape our existence around us.
It’s nice to be liked – We want our family, peers and friends to like us. But what if we are spending so much time on wanting to be liked that we’re not listening to what we truly want?
Our behaviour becomes focused around how we can make other people like us. This is to the detriment of what we believe, or want to do. Nearly everyone has some experience around wanting to make friends at school. The idea of being solitary was labelled as being a ‘loser’, and the idea of sitting alone at the lunch table was filled with inconceivable dread.
I’ve been feeling quite bogged down in the last few days. I even had a day sick off work. Part of this has been combating what I’d describe as ‘brain fog’. I’m not doing terribly, but I’m also noticing my brain is not working as quickly as it usually does.
I think the particularly scary part of it is the fear of somehow losing our ability. When I’m not as quick at reading a report, I feel like I’ve somehow lost my skill, and so my worth has decreased. I worry that a part of me is gone because I’m not quite as good at doing the things as I used to be.