Tag: #personaldevelopment

Writing with little to say

I’m feeling particularly uninspired with my writing. It feels like I’m simply rewriting the same stories every time.

Granted, I probably feel that more than anyone actually reading. One article a week is but a drop in the ocean, considering how much information we are constantly consuming. It’s probably actually a good thing that I repeat myself, else any key message quickly gets lost.

Yet I’m also just fatigued about talking on the same subjects. I seem to either be giving live updates around my health, or talking about the accompanying mental difficulties.

Relearning how I learn

I’ve recently restarted my Dutch course. Half-way through a class, I started questioning whether I was actually any good at learning languages. I realised it was a somewhat farcical thought, considering I’ve been learning languages most of my life. Logically I am rather good at it, since I speak 3 languages fluently and have been learning three others.

To some extent everyone has doubts around their language abilities. That’s just part of the learners journey. Yet there is something about the course structure doesn’t particularly play to my strengths. It’s four hours of class twice a week. I don’t think such lengths of concentration are exactly my forte.

Between discipline and indulgence

I often go through a period of wondering how to use my time more productively. Since I have time and relatively little responsibilities (aside from keeping myself alive), I sometimes get the impulse that I must do more.
Such thoughts are often a trap. The idea that I need to be constantly working on something is in of itself a toxic cycle. I have to remember that my focus is on improving my health right now, not padding my CV.

A Regression to a Younger Age

It’s been a strange August. I think it’s been a bit weird for everyone.
Perhaps I’m a nostalgic millennial, but I miss the simpler days of the school summer holidays. Admittedly, my family rarely went on holidays, but at least it felt like a seasonal pause from school work.
August no longer seems to have that feeling of being a real break. Everything seems to be in constant motion. The chase for productivity is winning out against periodic rest.
My life has seemingly regressed to a similar style of living as I had when I was young. Perhaps it’s my way of searching for creature comforts, even if the comforts weren’t all that comfortable. In my youthful summers, I spent most of my time playing video games feeling pretty isolated from the world. My current situation does feel remarkably similar.

Navigating The World of DIY Diagnosis

I’ve been suffering from constant low-grade nausea. At first, I thought this was a post-heat illness. The recent heatwave hit hard, and I felt an illness coming the day it cooled. But now the symptoms have gone on for numerous days, and I’m starting to doubt my original prognosis.
The result is that it makes my life a misery for several days. I missed several events because I knew my body was not up for it, and managing my eating has been a nightmare. My solution has been to push eating whatever feels easy enough to digest. In that sense, my eating has been replaced to that of a toddler. Fish fingers and oven fries have been the easy, go-to meal.
It’s difficult to have new health issues come up that defy conventional explanation. Going to the doctor seems futile because there is little obvious that can be solved, and within a few weeks it passes anyway. But by that time, some other issue seems to arise.

The lack of logic in recovery

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash I’ve often wondered whether I will ever get better again, or whether constant fatigue is my new reality. Logic says that it will. There’s nothing identifiably chronic about my health. Yet logic also dictates that this should have been over by now too. In fact, if everything was dictated by logic, I […]

On living life without a plan

I’ve lived my life always planning ahead.
My whole generation had the idea of planning drilled into us. We needed to always know what we were doing next. Anything to the contrary was a failure. To be standing still was to be sinking in quicksand.

I actually rather liked planning. I ended up building career experience around it. A few years ago, I ended up crafting a GANTT chart with somewhat made-up dates on how to get a legislative bill through the UK Parliament in record time. It was planning that gave everyone a sense of reassurance despite the whole project being a terrible mess.

Yet here I sit without a plan. It’s the antithesis of what I’ve been taught and know.

Avoiding the trap of overanalysis

I’ve been feeling frustrated with my health. Despite building what is a rather aggressive approach through supplements and powders, it’s hard to see much empirical change.
In the meantime, all I can do is interpret the subtler signs. My energy is a bit better, and I have been doing more exercise. My eating is objectively better, and I’m generally improving in sleep.
But at some point, I have to recognise that there are some things that I can’t really know. And to be honest, even if I did, it would probably not change a whole lot anyway.

Playing the game of whac-a-mole in physical recovery

‘Do you ever feel like you’re playing whac-a-mole?’

Someone asked me this once. They explained the situation where you try one thing which only partially solves the problem. This then leads to other issues popping up.

It’s a metaphor that has stuck with me, because it describes my experience in many different domains exceptionally well. When I try one thing, a plethora of new moles seem to pop up. I find myself in a perennial battle of reactivity.