Author: tahmidchowdhury

The signs of a renaissance

For the first time in around two years, I’ve had several days in a row where I’ve woken up without a sense of fatigue or dread.

Around two months ago, I remember having a day where I felt pretty good. I could get up, go out and doing things without any real issue. Is this what it is to live again? It was remarkable how easy everything felt.

But that was not a sustained feeling. The day after I was back in an energy dip. It was quite frustrating. Yet it at least reminded me what life is meant to feel like.

An ode to old school methods

For one reason or another, I started learning sanskrit this week.

I use an online language platform called Italki. It’s basically a place where you can find teachers and organise classes online. It’s where I also found my Bengali teacher too.

I took a chance and went with a teacher who was a lot older. His profile said he had taught in Sanskrit for over forty years. It was a slightly chaotic profile, far from the slicker, more polished video presentation you get from others.

I’ve had two classes with this teacher so far. His teaching method goes against most rules around modern western education pedagogy.

The key when you get locked out

We often use the metaphors of ‘keys’ and ‘doors’ in the world of personal development.

But on Monday, it had a far more literal meaning for me.

When taking the bins out, I shut the door behind me. I didn’t realise I didn’t have my key, effectively locking myself out.

It’s the sort of general mishap that we all face at some point in our lives. But it’s not so much about the event itself, but what we tell ourselves about it.

Connecting the fragments back together

Each of us has our own ‘personal narrative’. It reflects how we see ourselves, and so also how we see the world. For example, some people speak with a timidness. They talk about how they’re nothing special. To them, they had a ‘boring’ upbringing.

It’s not a surprise that such people aren’t particularly proud about where they’re from. Nor do they tend to be as confident either.

Compare that to someone who has a much more involved story about how they grew up. Their tales of upbringing can sound like a dazzling adventure.

The big irony is that these two stories could be the exact same person. It’s not really the history that matters, but the story crafted from it.

This is something I’ve understood. I’ve worked hard to shift my personal narrative from one that feels quite tragic to one of growth. Yet the last few weeks have also demonstrated a further layer that I never realised. My personal narrative was missing large segments.

On rekindling the flame of desire

One of the big potential traps in modern day society is to lose that spark.

It’s particularly visible in a city like Brussels. So many people come here with big hopes and expectations. The reality of the clunking system can be pretty soul crushing if we’re not careful.

It’s also very visible. When we look people in the eyes, we can see if there is a spark behind it or not. Once someone has lost their spark, it feels like their soul has been tuned down to power-save mode.

Whilst burnout is often assumed to be about overwork, it can just as well be a loss of hope. That was certainly the case for me. Day by day, I had my desires ever increasingly compromised. By the end, I had little will to leave my bed.

Seeing the purging as the purification

When we’re looking to improve, we often think that it’s all about building upon our existing knowledge. We often talk about ‘growth’, and ‘improvement’.
But if we only build upon what we have today, we are relying upon the foundations that we had built earlier on in our life. These foundations are pretty shaky and unstable.
I previously worked with a coach who would regularly talk about this. The work was really to clearing out the dog turd underneath to create a new, healthy foundation. From here, we can truly build anew.
Many people, no matter how much learning or introspection they do, seem to keep repeating their mistakes. It’s generally because they do not address the real root issues.

The secret all this time was Ghee

There is commonality in every individual action we take. But if we go with the common approach, it’s unlikely to fit us as an individual.

Whenever we take an action, it connects us with the whole. Humans eat, sleep, work. In this, we share a common thing that binds us as a society.

But if we are guided only by what is commonly done, it’s unlikely to really suit us. Just because ‘the norm’ is to get an office job, does not mean that this is right for us. And just because the average amount of sleep required is around 8 hours, this does not mean 8 hours sleep is actually right for us either.

A Sunday morning of tidying up the office

Empty Sunday mornings are pretty good days to do some tidying.

I’ve accumulated so many bits of paper in the last few years that it has started to overflow. My office space has become generally noisy, to the point where the clutter has become a mainstay on desk spaces.
A tidy-up has been very much overdue. And whilst I would like to pretend that I have such saintly energy that I just simply decided to tidy, the truth was that I pushed myself into it. Last night, I spent about an hour looking for my old passport. Turns out, I needed to find an old visa number stamped on it.

I left half the papers on the floor. I had made it so messy that I forced my own hand in needing to tidy it up this morning.

Finding solace in the solitude

This last week has been quite humbling. I wasn’t really expecting it, but I crashed. My nervous system is shot. Daily tasks have been difficult again.

It’s hard not to feel a little despondent. I was somewhat hopeful that things were improving. But sometimes, it’s two steps forward, one step back.

In response, I’ve decided to slow down even more. I cancelled pretty much all my plans, and most of my time has been in solitude. And actually, it’s been quite nice. Indeed, perhaps this has been the lesson I’ve needed to learn all along.