Why consistency is so important for our life goals

There are many things we want in life – a healthier body, better sleep, improved skills or a greater income.

Sometimes getting these things can feel impossible. When we try something like a new diet, we can quickly feel discouraged when we don’t see progress. And when we don’t see progress, we tend to give up.

Take learning a language: it can be very daunting starting from a complete beginner level. We have to build layers of grammar and vocabulary to form coherent sentences. When we see a native speaker do it so effortlessly, it can make us feel like we aren’t achieving anything at all. The comparison with others can make us lose sight of the smaller gains we are making.

Most of our skills were built over a longer period of time. Our life experience demonstrates this. It took us years to learn to talk, but we forget the learning journey we undertook as toddlers. Learning a new language is no different. Even Olympic cyclists fell off their bikes multiple times as kids.

Consistency above all will get you much further towards the things you want. I am not telling you something you do not already know.

Whilst the temptation is to often look for the ‘easy wins’ or shortcuts, these rarely, if ever exist. If we want something that we do not already have, chances are that they are not things that can be attained quickly. After all, if it were quick and easy we would have got these things already.

Consistency is both easy and difficult. It is easy because we know what to do, and how to do it. But the challenge is doing it regularly, even when we don’t want to.

What I’ve found recently is how powerfully cognitive dissonance can kick in. I’ve stagnated with my weight loss in the last two weeks. For a moment, I asked myself whether the method I’m using was really working. Although I had lost some weight, the lack of results made me wonder whether this method had now run its course. I spent some time looking up the answer online of what was causing the stagnation. According to the online chats, perhaps the early weight loss was just water weight. Maybe it was time to switch to something else, or push myself harder.

A few days later I realised I was not being honest with myself. When I look back I had been going out more and eating far less healthy food than before. When I gave myself a dose of radical honesty, I realised that this was not the method’s fault, instead it was my commitment to the method that was lacking.

Our goals don’t live in siloes either. My sleep quality has also worsened – mainly due to my use (read: overuse) of my phone and social media. The knock on effect has meant I’m more tired, with far lower willpower. I’ve been more irritable and anxious, which is when I tend to eat far worse.

In the last few days, I’ve recommitted to eating better. And surprise, the results came back. As I got back into the habit, my willingness to keep it up has also returned. The temptation to eat poorly has reduced.

Consistency is understanding that even when we fall off track (which we inevitably will) we are able to get back on it again. If we spend time judging ourselves about why we failed, we end up descending into a cycle of despair.

So if you want change in your life, commit to a new routine.

Consistency will lead you to the greatest results in the shortest amount of time.

Seeing sensitivity as a strength

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash

Attitudes have progressed a lot in the last few years. We see more open discussions around burnout and mental wellbeing. Nevertheless, emotional sensitivity, particularly in ‘professional’ settings, is still seen as an unwanted, or bad trait.

At best, sensitivity is something to be tolerated. It’s okay to be emotional, but as long as it’s done in private, or outside of the workplace.

But sensitivity is what makes us human, and in a world where we use terms like having ’emotional intelligence’, it’s something that is sorely lacking in the business world (not to mention in our personal lives too).

I’ve been guilty of this myself. Back when I worked in the UK Government, I fell into the mindset of being as rational as possible. I thought this was what it meant to be successful. The answer for me always seemed to be about having the best argument or line of reasoning, and it would bewilder me why everyone else didn’t do the same.

Ironically, my journey has been one of reconnecting with my emotions over the course of my adult life. It started with realising that not everything is about winning the argument. It then progressed to realising that the intuitive sense I had came from an ability to connect and understand people in a deeper way. I thought this was normal for everyone. Turns out its not.

The last two weeks have been a very confronting journey for me around sensitivity. Rather than being a brain bot with a bit of emotions as I had previously thought, I’m learning that the opposite is more true – I am a deep emotional reservoir with some thinking behind it.

I had come across the term ‘highly sensitive person’ before, but I never thought it applied to me. Yes, I can be emotional, but who isn’t? Well, it turns out, actually a lot of people aren’t as sensitive as I am. There’s an estimated 20% of people who are highly sensitive, and this holds true for both men and women. But for me as a man, I learnt to push that side away: who would want to be labelled a shy, crybaby in this culture?

But as I’ve been reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, a lot of things in my life suddenly make far more sense. A classic case is my tendency is to seek pleasure, but then get overstimulated and exhausted. I’ve seen this several times this year, particularly after my trip to India in February.

Other characteristics are more trivial – I never really understood why I didn’t finish Breaking Bad. I watched a lot of it – several seasons in fact. But I ended up finding it too heavy to watch in the evenings after work. I just didn’t want to subject myself to the emotional stress that each episode gave me, so I stopped. Turns out that’s a pretty clear sign of emotional sensitivity.

What I am seeing is how much my sensitivity is a gift – subtle shifts in people’s behaviours are things that seem very obvious to me and give me a great ability to read people’s energy. In a business setting, it’s why I’ve had a real advantage in being able to read the room, feel subtle shifts in energy and being able to understand people’s underlying motivations.

Nevertheless, my tendency to get overstimulated can also mean I can get skittish or very critical at points that come as a surprise to other people. This can also play into my feeling that I am misunderstood. So it is really important that I manage my time to give the space I need so that I do not get overaroused.

What I am seeing is how connecting to my sensitivity is allowing me to connect much better with the people around me. I am much more in tune with life and my experience of emotions like happiness are heightened. The fact I haven’t been doing this as much as I could is what has been holding me back.

So from a business perspective, sensitivity is what allows us to connect, and really make things happen by working with others. We can get so caught up in the machines and systems that we forget that the real way to make an impact is by connecting with people at a human level.

From a personal perspective, life is much richer. Feeling is a gift, and one that is to be cherished. Letting down my armour has been very emotionally painful, as it has required me understanding why I put them up in the first place. Nonetheless, my life is much more fulfilling when I can really enjoy it by experiencing the emotional side more fully.

So even if you see yourself as not particularly emotional, remember this – you are human, and you are living as much an emotional experience as a physical one. Opening up further to emotions is what gives the excitement and richness of life. Failure to do so, and life can pass you by.

If you are someone who sees yourself as sensitive then remember that experiencing emotions is a gift (even when it doesn’t feel like it!). It’s what makes our experiences deeper and richer. It isn’t something that you need to push away, even if you are experiencing something difficult. Being open to the bounties of life only makes it more rich when we taste the fruit.

If you’d like to learn more about my experiences around opening my heart to my own sensitivity, drop me a message.

The incredible power of saying ‘I don’t know’

There are so many questions that we answer every day. Some of these are straightforward – ‘what should I eat today?’ or ‘what TV channel should I put on?’.

But we also quickly amass large, existential questions that are so overwhelming and complex that they become frightening.

In our society, we’ve learnt that we must answer every question, as if it were a pop quiz. But what we have missed is that there are certain questions that go beyond the capabilities of the mind – the spiritual, emotional or philosophical.

I was speaking to a friend recently about the end of her relationship. The logical reasons for this end of relationship did not make sense to her – why did it end like it did?

Another instance I see is at work, and in particular people working on large social issues like climate change. A term I’ve recently learnt of is ‘eco-anxiety’ – the feeling of fear of the impending doom of climate change. How can we ever solve the climate crisis?

How about large scale questions about our lives – do I want kids? Where do I want to live? Am I living the life I’m meant to be living?

These questions are anxiety inducing because they are so large and difficult. Our brains cannot create a rational answer with so many data points in a realm of great subjectivity.. But sometimes, the realisation that we do not need all the answers can be the biggest freedom that we can have in life.

Let’s take these one by one:

Why did the relationship end? Well, there may or may not be a clear reason. The chances are it will be a mix of many different subtle reasons. On the other hand, what has happened has happened. The relationship is over, and getting a clear answer of why it ended is actually not really that important. The important part is seeing what can be created now, rather than dwelling on the past.

How can we solve the climate crisis? Well, I don’t know the full answer, but I do work on sustainability issues. Here, I do the best job I can do. But I also realise that spending my life stressed and miserable is not helpful – it just makes me unhappy. And when I’m unhappy, I’m far less effective at my job.

It’s no wonder that there is so much burnout in the space of NGOs and social justice. The constant worry is making people sick. And whilst it is admirable to want to make a difference, it is also massively self-defeating to spend so much time worrying about it because you will both harm yourself and the cause you support because you cannot do what you want to to help.

Am I living the life I’m meant to be living? I don’t know. I see this philosophically in that I only have one life path, and that is the one I am right now. And even if I didn’t believe this, I can also realise how anxiety inducing the question is. If I spent more time enjoying my life and doing the things I wanted to do, I would have a far greater likelihood of living my life to the fullest. Questioning myself only makes me withdraw.

To me, the phrase ‘I don’t know’ is my own acceptance of surrendering to something bigger than me. The important thing here is to not see ‘I don’t know’ as a negative. It can be interpreted as this lack of understanding or stupidity.

But in reality, there is a deeper wisdom in accepting that I am not meant to have all the answers, so I don’t quickly create one to sound smart. It’s no surprise that the best leaders are the ones who are the quickest to admit that they are not sure about something, because they realise the limits of their intellect.

If the larger questions in life are causing you stress. It’s okay to not know the answer.

Releasing the mind through the form of movement

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

This week, I’ve started work with a new coach around body movement. I’ve been working a lot on myself, but an area I hadn’t really addressed was around my comfort in my own body.

I remember being in India in February and seeing people dancing. I felt absolutely paralysed by the idea of it. More broadly, the moment anyone suggested dancing I felt frozen to the spot.

Somewhere along the way I had created body movement to be such a complicated thing that I felt an anxiety cycle the moment a situation came up.

The option I took without realising was to shut off my relationship with my body. If I stopped going to places where dancing or instinctive movement was required, then it would never be an issue. Or at least that was somewhat the logic.

This option deprived me of the pleasures of movement. Dancing can be very fun, and I had forgotten that after so many years since my more exuberant days in university.

I hadn’t realised how much my lack of connection with my body has been showing up. My mind has been completely dominating my existence – I only listened to my body when it was crying out in pain or tiredness. Likewise, I am limiting my impact in work through my ability to project my voice. In a recent Toastmasters speech, I got feedback about how I was quite static whilst speaking. It made it harder to connect with the audience.

Last night, I went out to dance. I was quite tired and stressed from the week, so I didn’t feel particularly energised. When I’m in this state, going to a party can feel quite overwhelming. It feels like a conflict between my mind analysing all the stimuli around me versus my body wanting to move with the rhythm of the beat.

I know that letting go of the analytical thoughts of the mind is what I need. And the best way to do that is moving the body. Meditation can be great to find stillness, but we were not born to sit at a desk all day (which is what I’ve been doing most of the last 5 years of my life!)

Even if I’m still learning, I am seeing the benefits. I’ve lost around 8 kilograms in the last month, and I’ve also been having a healthier routine with skincare and sleep. I find myself naturally feeling the urge to go for a walk, rather than it being a task I have to accomplish during the day.

These activities are so beneficial for me as it takes me away from the world of thought and analysis. I know this is something that would really help other people too – there are so many people who spend so much time in their minds that they find themselves at an energetic imbalance. The sign of this are lethargy, tiredness and ongoing work stress.

If you want to get better in your job or just simply be happier in life, look at how much a movement plays a part in your life.

Finding an energetic balance will put you in a heightened state of being.

The stick-or-twist of whether to celebrate a birthday

I turned 30 this week. And I wasn’t sure how much I should celebrate or not.

I have a somewhat difficult relationship with birthdays. I found it hard to celebrate the occasion over the years because I felt it came at an inconvenient time. It was just after the school holidays, or just as the university term had started and everyone went home. Nobody was really around to do much for it.

On reflection, I think I learnt to dread my birthday. It was a day where I heard a lot about what I should experience, and how it was meant to be such a great day. I found that generally any such expectations were not met. Looking back on it I found the whole ordeal rather painful emotionally for many years.

In my adult years, my newest line has been to reject the notion of birthdays as a concept. ‘What’s in a day anyway?’. It made it a lot easier to just not engage with the idea of it, rather than deal with the expectations that came with it.

There is some truth to the fact that a single day does not make us nor break us. Yet If i’m honest with myself it’s also been a self defense mechanism I built up. It’s become so instilled in me I hadn’t even realised I had created it.

I’ve been travelling a bunch in the lead up to my birthday. I had a few social engagements dotted around before and after, so it got to the point where planning felt inconvenient. In the end, I didn’t really do a whole lot. And whilst I think ‘regret’ is too strong a word, a few days later I feel I probably missed an opportunity to mark the moment more vividly.

The beauty of personal development is that every opportunity is a moment where we can learn deep things about ourselves. This experience fits in with my journey of the last few weeks, notably realising how emotionally sensitive I am as a person.

I am reopening my heart to the world. Honestly, it’s a pretty painful experience. I am letting down guards that have been up for so long I didn’t even realise they were there. And opening up means both reexperiencing things I had shut away, but also coming into a deeper state of vulnerability. I’m having to reevaluate things like my ‘who cares’ attitude towards birthdays. I’ve also noticed that the bitterness towards my own experiences has been souring how I show up for others in their celebrations too.

All is not lost, birthdays are a great opportunity to reflect no matter how much or little we actively celebrate them. I’ve heard someone describe them as our own personal new year, which I’m quite fond of as a concept.

This last year has been a crazy journey for me. I’ve had many people talk about how much I have changed and evolved. I’ve had achievements like writing my book. But more profoundly, friends around me talk about the way I have shown up for them in a deeper, more powerful and loving way.

Life is opening up in ways that I didn’t think possible. I feel my 30s are going to be more fun and wild than my 20s, which is an exciting feeling. I am clearer in who I am choosing to be.

I’m on the path to self betterment and creating the life I want to live.

Constant ordinary action creates the extraordinary

This weekend I’m at another personal development intensive in London. Over this weekend, we have spoken about the way in which we create the different aspects of the things we want in life.

I continuously go to these learning experiences because I learn something new each time. I’ve found that hearing something the first time sometimes doesn’t mean too much for me, but revisiting it later can make a profound shift.

Yesterday, we spoke about how we create the extraordinary. The idea of running a marathon, getting a six-pack or writing a book may sound unfathomable because of the colossal nature of the goal.

But if we gave ourselves a few minutes to figure out ‘how to’ do these things, we could most likely figure out a way. Want to lose weight? Eat better and exercise more. Want to write a book? Schedule writing sessions several times a week.

We generally know the answers.

When we break down the extraordinary tasks into multiple ordinary ones, it can be empowering because it makes it achievable. But it can also be daunting – suddenly the weight shifts towards our own responsibility. It’s up to us to achieve what we want.

This newsletter is an example of that. Recently, I saw that my subscribers passed 1500 – amazing! I couldn’t have imagined that so many people would receive what I write week in and week out. The statistics show that I’m probably getting around 500 people reading what I write each week. To me, this is an extraordinary achievement.

Now, how did I get to this point? Well I just started writing articles. I began in 2020. I started erratic, but learnt to build consistency. By 2022 I recommitted to writing an article each week. To me, this is doable. One article each week takes me about 30-60 minutes. I avoid making it a big laborious task. Most people I know could do this. Writing an article in of itself is a pretty ordinary task.

Fast forward to today, I haven’t missed a week since January 26, 2022. I’m on a 75 article hot streak. This will be my 131st article I’ve written. My articles are around ~700 words each, which means I will have written around 92,000 words. Unsurprisingly, my written expression and creative thinking have blossomed through the process.

These achievements have been as a result of doing the ordinary consistently rather than any particular magic formula.

Another related distinction we spoke about was the difference between ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’ – where we are labelling things we can’t do. If we are radically honest with ourselves many of the things we say we ‘can’t’ do are actually things that we just don’t want to. A good check as to whether a task is one where you genuinely can’t do it, ask yourself whether if someone was willing to pay you a million dollars whether this would change whether you could do it.

I used to think that I couldn’t lose weight because when I tried I would often rebound back up. But if I look at myself really honestly, I was playing victim by blaming other circumstances. For example, work getting busy is not a bonified ‘reason’ that I cannot eat healthy. Now I am getting far more committed through sticking with fasting and I am seeing the results start to show – I have lost around 5 kg in the last few weeks.

I write these articles to give you the tools to better your own life. The irony is that deep down, this is all information that you probably already know. Yet we can all forget these things as we get caught up in the daily travails of the world.

But if you want genuine change, get honest. Find the ordinary tasks that you need to do to create the extraordinary.

Then start doing them.

The ultimate freedom of seeing life as a game

This week, I took it relatively easy.

Well, that’s how I felt anyway, the reality was that I actually did rather a lot. It was the first time in a long time I’ve been into the office five days in a week (my own choice!). I also had evening activities on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I also went to a 4 hour Toastmaster officer training on Saturday too. I’ve also been on a diet where I eat one meal a day for a while, so that includes each day of this week.

So why do I feel like this week was relatively relaxed?

Well it is relative. Essentially, it felt like tasks took far less effort this week than what they did last week. During my immersion in Kent a few weeks ago, we spoke about the distinction of living and the game of life, based upon an audio by George Pransky. This distinction has completely changed the game in the way I respond to the stressers from the world around me.

Living is a state that we are constantly in, and we do whether we choose to or not. The game of life are the games that we choose to play. These can be literal games such as tennis, or more abstract games.

Our jobs are elaborate games that we play. We sign a piece of paper and we choose to embody the title of ‘systems engineer’, ‘film critic’ or ‘IT consultant’. There’s nothing wrong with playing these games – they can be fun, rewarding and entertaining. But the issue arises when we mix up the game of life with living. This shows up when our job becomes our identity, or we carry on thinking about work when we leave the office.

I realised that pretty much every thing I do in my life is a game. Work is a game. Play is a game. Once I see these things as games, suddenly the amount of pressure I put on these things start to fall away. I can start to enjoy them far more because I see that they’re actually just games.

I’ve been going to a poker night the last few months. I actually went the night I came back from the immersion. It was the best I played in a while, because I remembered that it was just a game. In the past, I would get psyched out by the odds. I would start playing differently in the late game because the blinds (cost to play) increased, so I felt things were more risky.

But games are there to have fun. It adds a challenge and entertaining element to our lives. If playing a game is making us stressed or miserable it means that we are playing the game wrong.

Once we have fun, we also tend to play better. At poker, I no longer was second-guessing myself. I had a greater level of conviction with my plays, and unsurprisingly I played better. This wasn’t a fluke either as the same thing happened the week after.

Bringing the idea of everything being a game is extremely liberating. The same activities that stress us out can turn into sources of joy simply because of the shift in the way we look at them.

This major shift is available for all of us, including you. It’s simply a matter of seeing it.

The best way to learn is by getting into action

When we are looking for change, we can often get into the trap of constantly searching out more information. A new book or course can be helpful to learn more, but in of itself doesn’t really do anything until you do something with it.

We can get so addicted to learning that we actually learn to infantilize ourselves. Whenever we find a problem we search friends or the internet for guidance, rather than genuinely learning how to do things for ourselves.

For me, this looked like constantly looking for new personal development books and courses. I would finish one non-fiction book and move straight to the next one, without stopping to reflect what I had really learnt. It was more about finishing the books that I told myself that I ‘should’ read, rather than changing myself. whilst I did learnt some things, I didn’t get nearly as much as I could if I focussed on applying my learning.

There’s a reason that we stay in this information-consummation cycle: it’s comfortable. When we don’t have to apply the insights, we can outsource our problems. And let’s be honest, actually making changes can be scary.

Last week I wanted to deliberately break this cycle. I wrote about how I wanted to create my new Make Diversity Matter To You Programme. It’s an experiential learning group bringing people from being unsure about how to deal with diversity issues to becoming active champions.

I’ll be honest, it was nerve-wracking. I created something that I thought would be valuable, but I didn’t know whether people would want it or not. This is not a fairy tale – the results were mixed. Some people were not interested, whilst others were. I got some a few no’s in a short amount of time too which felt like a blow.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel disheartened at some points. I felt like I put myself out into the world and was bearing my soul. But the reality was that I was gaining key information about what people want and what they don’t. Besides, I hadn’t thought about the commitment I was asking for, and how realistic that would be for people.

I wanted to start this programme in July, both putting me under pressure to find people in a few weeks and also expecting people to commit with little notice. In the end, I’ve decided to shift my programme back to September. It gives far more time to prepare for it, both for me and people who want to participate.

I could frame this experience as a failure, or I could frame it as key learning. The only way I could know as to how people would respond to what I create is by sharing it with the world. So rather than sitting in a sense of personal sour grapes, I choose to make this a meaningful learning experience.

If I had sat in inaction, I would have not known whether there was any interest in the programme or not. Now I have a much clearer idea, as well as a key learning about the things people need before committing to something over the space of a month.

So if you want to genuinely learn something new or change something in your life, there is only one real choice: action. Materials are extremely helpful to give the tools, and it’s definitely worth investing in them. But the investment goes down the drain unless you choose to do something with it.

The power of acknowledging our own greatness

This week I attended a coaching immersion down in Kent, UK. I was one of 12 in an awe-inspiring group of people doing incredible things in the world.

I have a notebook filled with a year’s worth of articles. I won’t attempt to summarise them all in a single post here, but the content will pour through over the coming months.

One thing I will share is that at the end of the immersion each of us wrote acknowledgements for one another. I received some of the most powerful and touching acknowledgements I’ve ever received in my life.

Once we had read all these acknowledgements, it was time to write an acknowledgement to ourselves. Here is what I wrote about myself:

Tahmid, you are an exceptional, unique human being with an incredible, one-of-a-kind gift. Greatness is you, awaits you and is your destiny. The trials have been created to take you to ever higher levels. Own it. Embrace it. Be it. The world is at your fingertips.

I have never written a statement like this before. But in the moment it felt like exactly what I both needed to say and to hear. I was in a trance-like state when I wrote it. These are powerful words that even surprise me now when reading them back.

The theme of this week for me has been the realisation, recognition and acknowledgement of my own power. We went deep, and I shared some of my deepest personal struggles that I haven’t spoken about before. The experience got rather intense, and it felt like being in a pressure cooker when we were confronted with some very stark realities about our lives.

But it is in the discomfort that we find our greatest space of growth. Coming through such experiences gives us a new level of self-knowing. Things that once felt scary suddenly start to feel easy. It was unsurprising that a friend remarked that on my return I had a charged energy that was visible before I even talked about the experience on the immersion.

Whilst the experience was powerful, one thing we discussed is how gaining insights in of itself does not actually do really do anything unless we act upon them. (Actually, it was put in less eloquent terms: ‘f*** insights’).

For me, I’ve been sitting on my book, Make Diversity Matter to You since releasing it over six months ago. Despite putting in the work and building my knowledge and experience, I haven’t done as much as I really could to share my work with the world.

It’s why during the immersion I committed to creating the Make Diversity Matter to You Programme. It’s a month long experience starting in July consisting of four 90 min weekly webinars and a community group with peer learning activities and resources. Along with the webinars, each participant will get one recorded 30 minute laser session, along with an hour private coaching session.

This is beyond what other courses I’ve been on in the way it blends the learning on diversity elements with the personal transformation aspects.This was actually part of creating a ‘no-brainer’ offer during the immersion, so all of this is for £350 / €350, even though I know that the value is at least five times this price.

Acknowledging my greatness means sharing it with the world, so it is time I do that. If you’re interested in knowing more about the programme, drop me a message. I would also be really appreciative if you could share this with anyone who you think would be interested by this.

The importance of simplicity in our messaging

Photo by Courtnie Tosana on Unsplash

I’ve worked in technical fields throughout my career, using words that most people would simply not understand. A key skill has been to make these things understandable and relatable for anyone.

In the UK government, I went through writing policy on European Accessibility, coordinating statutory instruments for a wide berth of policy areas from product safety to state aid. Now I work on policy around sustainability including terms like net zero, circular economy and industrial decarbonisation. That’s not even mentioning my interest in the spiritual side of personal development and diversity and inclusion.

So I’ve had my fair share of technical topics. I could easily bamboozle the people around me through specialist language, acronyms and obscure terminology. But learning to explain things to people in simple, short sentences has greatly enhanced my ability to get people to actually care about the stuff I’m talking about. Unfortunately, many people are not doing this very basic step, even though it is available to all of us.

I’m really grateful for my time when I worked in government. Our ministers would expect simple, clear language to explain complex issues. The skill to write clearly and effectively is such an important one, and it’s one which is grossly lacking in our complex world.

There is a great missed opportunity for many professionals because they cannot explain things to the layperson. Many very important causes are left into the niches of society, only attracting other subject matter experts who congregate to deepen their understanding of terminology.

One of the really refreshing things about connecting with the coaching world is that it’s a real eye opener as to how much I’m influenced by the bubble I’m in. I remember speaking to a coach about an event I was working on at COP26 (the large climate conference which was taking place in Glasgow two years ago). Once I finished speaking, she asked me what COP was, as she hadn’t heard of it. Considering my existence in the sustainability world is so focussed on such events, it was a wake-up call that most people don’t actually really care about the stuff I do.

Some of my biggest successes has been to speak in clear, relatable language. I wrote a paper to my executive committee with recommendations on race, the first time a network lead had been invited to the highest level of the organisation. All the recommendations were agreed because they were clear and properly explained within two pages without needing additional context. It sounds obvious, but when people actually understand what you’re saying, they’re far more likely to engage.

There’s plenty of space for me to develop here too – yesterday I continued on my Toastmasters pathway with a speech on my leadership journey. Whilst I did a strong speech with a lot of colour, I was a tad guilty of trying to cram in a bit too much. My mind can move very fast, so I wanted to share about three different stories in one speech. I can sometimes overwhelm the people I’m speaking to because of how quickly I’m moving from one topic to the next. So I can improve by slowing down and focussing on a single idea more concretely.

The fascinating thing about personal development is how personal it is. I share my own experiences to demonstrate that we can always continue learning. But the challenges I face are very unlikely to be the same for you. The gift is being able to see what areas we can improve upon, and communication is a key part of our lives.

When I work with coaching clients, a lot of my work is reflecting on how people are showing up in the world. Our gestures and subtle actions say so much about our state of mind. When we are stressed, we are unlikely to be open to receiving people’s energy. This can mean we miss key social and emotional cues from the people around us. We risk falling more into the spiral of stress due to the frustration that this causes.

If you find you’re not being received in the way you like, the first place to look is how clear you are being. Remember, if you’re not clear with yourself, it’s nearly impossible that the other person will get your message clearly either.

Fortunately there are several ways of improving our communication. Simply taking a breath goes a long way in changing the energy we are giving. It also allows us more space to think about how we are being received, rather than only on what we are saying. Clubs like Toastmasters are also great for this due to the amount of feedback you get. If you don’t know anything about Toastmasters, feel free to ask me in a DM. Coaching can give a more in-depth look at how you’re showing up in the world. This gives a chance to go even deeper and explore underlying behaviour. If there’s something that has come up from this article which you’d like to explore further, I’m more than happy to have a conversation with you.