If a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?
If a worker does an amazing piece of work, but sits in a siloed team where nobody talks to each other, did they really do an amazing piece of work?
Since the world has opened up post-pandemic, I’ve been a lot more intentional in reaching out to others. Rather than seeing friendships and connections as a by-product of the rest of my life, I’ve looked at is as something that needs love and attention to foster.
Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
Are you living life or is life living you?
When I lived here, I followed the rhythm that I thought people were supposed to do – going to work and chasing more money to pay for a nicer room (due to the exorbitant rent prices), without even noticing the negative impact my obsession on my work life had on happiness or health. I’d come home shattered after spending so much time and energy on things that now I can’t even remember.
Overthinking Man goes about his day. He wakes up, and his first thoughts are about work. He first thinks about all the different meetings he has in the day. He thinks about all the deadlines he has to meet, and the terrible consequences if he does not meet them. He then thinks about how it’s also his turn to take out the bin. Overthinking Man sighs.
Once Overthinking Man has finished thinking about all the things that will make his day miserable, he treats himself to getting out of bed. Preoccupied by his thoughts, he jumps into the shower but puts shampoo on his body and shower gel in his hair, cuts himself whilst shaving and pours coffee into his cereal.
Overthinking Man cries in anguish. Why is everything out to get him today, what had he done to deserve it?
How much of our reality is based upon our thoughts?
This week I’ve spent time on a retreat in a lovely farm in Kent. I’ve enjoyed getting away from the hustle-and-bustle of my daily routines. This has given me some space to focus on routines and wellbeing.
We spoke about a fellow called Sydney Banks, a man who had a spontaneous enlightenment. He framed these beliefs into what is referred to as the ‘three principles’ – mind, consciousness and thought.
Yesterday was a bank holiday in Belgium so I flicked on a show on Netflix called ‘Insiders’ – a reality TV show which brings together contestants who think they are in the final round of a casting call for a show. What they don’t know is that the camera is already rolling and they are actually already on the show.
it prompted me to think about how differently people behave when they think no one is looking. What is fascinating is that as individuals the people on the show build narratives about their personalities – invincible, brave, caring, loving – and yet when the cameras are ‘off’ (or in this case still on) the behaviour that comes out is completely different.
Letting go of ego-driven behaviour in our lives
When we want to change something, it can often be hard to figure out what we want to change. The easy part is to say that whatever we have right now is not working for us, and that we need to shift this into another thing. But the harder part is deciding what this new thing we want to do should be.
The focus can quickly become on how bad everything is right now, and therefore the change is needed to fix things. Change in of itself becomes the solution, whatever that change might be.
Whilst this is perhaps a good starting point, most of the time it is not enough to want change for change sake.
We judge people. What clothes they wear, what job they do, how much sugar they put in their tea.
Judgment comes from an upbringing in society which puts moral values on what is right and wrong. Our parents, teachers and institutions around us want us to decide the right choices to become the right sort of people.
Whilst well-intentioned, these moral values are generally placed upon us, rather than formed by us as individuals.
Fortunately, there is a way forward. The first step is an acceptance of others and how they want to live life. But I also think there is a greater step. We can decide to reshape how we view the world, and how we live by our own values.
Many of us want things to change in our lives. A better career, greater happiness, a higher level of fulfillment. But are we willing to make the commitment?
It is an odd quirk of life that the things that give us the greatest level of fulfillment are those that take longer to achieve.
I want to share a story about a man named Deuce Lutui. Deuce played in the National Football League in the US. Through a chance encounter, he met with a man named Steve Hardison, often referred to as The Ultimate Coach.
Before the pandemic I had lived and worked in London for around five years. So I had a mix of excitement, anticipation and trepidation returning.
Time away gives a fresh sense of curiosity. I saw an incredible paradox in London which I had never outwardly expressed before.
I believe people make the reality they want. This is true in life, but never is it more visible than in a place like London.