Yesterday, an opportunity presented itself. I was buying lunch. I saw one rice bowl with a wrong sticker printed on it, meaning it was accidentally marked one third of the price.
This was in a supermarket. So I knew I could go to the self-scan. Nobody would have noticed.
I definitely flirted with the idea, I even thought that I could have also bought something else as a treat from my ‘savings’.
Would this have been morally wrong? Well technically it was someone else’s mistake. This was not outright stealing, which I think we could definitely label immoral. But it wouldn’t exactly be something I would wear with pride either.
I then thought about my own situation. I’m not some starving student like I was in the past. I knew I could afford to pay for this. I did not desperately need to save money either. There was no moral reasoning that could justify me doing it other than for my own convenience.
Most importantly though, I thought about what it would say about my own beliefs. Now I try and be a morally upstanding guy. I write these articles talking about personal development, and look to make myself a better person. If I don’t do what I talk about, I am just another hypocrite after all.
What would it say about me if I ignored my values for the sake of saving six euros?
It was this last point that was particularly powerful. The idea that I was not following my own personal values hit. Instead, I tried to do the right thing by mentioning this error to a member of staff so that they could correct it. Leaving me instead feeling like I had done a ‘good’ deed rather than a bad one.
I do not share this in some sort of attempt of moral smugness. I’d like to think I did something good. Yet I’m sure there are many times where I have not. For example, I endeavour to give change to homeless people, but I often don’t. I am no saint, just a human dealing with ethical decisions in my everyday life.
Instead, I share this as an example of the everyday small actions we make. Individually they are small, but accumulatively these actions shape us as people. Most importantly, it highlights how in congruence we are with our own personal values and beliefs.
I am a strong believer in having one single identity. By that, I mean avoiding this idea that we can somehow split ourselves into a personality at work and personality at home. The idea that we can be an intense, difficult person in the workplace then go home to be a loving spouse doesn’t really work in practice. Yet I have seen people use this to excuse their behaviour.
The greatest thing I’ve learnt to do is build a clearer, single identity. If I want to be a ‘good’ person, it cannot simply be good when I am working, or when I am at home. It needs to be throughout my life. Otherwise I am simply picking and choosing when I want to follow my own belief system, which rather defeats the purpose of one in the first place! This is the reason we often see such a difference when people describe their values as one thing, then act completely different.
There is good news. Although these small deeds may be the thing that tests us, they are also the solution. For example, If you want to be someone who is more giving, you can simply start donating to charity regularly. If you want to be more sociable, spend an extra five minutes saying hello to people in the mornings. If you want to be better at listening, try speaking a bit less in your next conversation.
With any habit, small actions are the best way for us to make change. So if we are brushing off these opportunities as small things, we are missing out on a massive change to improve ourselves. I cannot say whether I am truly a good person or not. What I can say is that I am a better person for doing the right thing in that situation than if I had not.
What positive small deed have you done recently?