Tag: #personaldevelopment

Life lesson 101: the more you give, the more you receive

This is article no. 101. So I thought I would share a life lesson 101: the more you give, the more you receive.

Giving is so powerful, yet we often get caught up in worrying about what is in it for us. Even when we want to be generous people, this falls away when we are stressed or lose sight of the bigger picture.
When we get in the mindset of thinking about what we are taking, we lose sight of the reciprocal nature of humanity.

How often have we experienced that friend who only reaches out to us when they need something? We can label these people as the ‘takers’ – we learn their patterns, and quickly become suspicious whenever they sporadically contact us. ‘What do they want this time?’. Whether it’s money or one-way emotional support, the conversation is about them and their problems.

I wrote a post earlier this week about how I’ve given out over 30 copies of my book, Make Diversity Matter to You for free. Economically, this does not make sense. I’ve already spent more money giving out this book then I have earnt from sales.

Putting yourself out there is scary. But it is also incredibly rewarding

According to LinkedIn, this is my 100th article.

I had no idea I would do this many. Yet when writing becomes a habitual moment of joy, everything else just flows. If I had spent too much time focussing on writing 100 articles, rather than just enjoying writing, I doubt I would have made it to this many. Let’s see if I make it to 1000 articles!

The theme around ‘putting myself out there’ feels very appropriate. My first article back in August 2020 was a nervous foray to sharing my thoughts to a public audience. I am so glad I made the step to do it. It started a new source of contentment and a new identity for me as a writer.

This week has also been a new, nerve-wracking adventure. On Saturday, I published my book, Make Diversity Matter to You.
There isn’t anything quite as exposing as putting a piece of work out there with your name on it. I still feel free around whether the content is of a good enough quality, or whether I’m charging too much for the book. Despite knowing that people enjoy my writing, that early feedback of pre-release versions was positive and that I’m happy with the content, I still feel nervous.

There is no past. There is no future. There is only now.

I generally like to keep on top of my work, but recently I’ve found myself procrastinating. Sometimes I know a deadline isn’t coming for a while, so I can put it off. I believed that the time to do it was sometime in the future.

But it’s not just the future – it’s also the past. I found myself lingering around past thoughts. A conversation someone had with me. I relive the frustration or anger, as if it were happening today. Suddenly these emotions are seeping into the feelings I’m having right now.

Most of us tend to see-saw between these alternate realities. Either we are stuck in the past, or wondering about the future. But what if neither of them actually exist?

How to keep the joy in the activities you enjoy

I woke up this morning at 6:40 for a yoga class starting 30 minutes later. When I woke up, I felt heavy – I still am not sleeping amazingly and I didn’t have a whole lot of will to actually go. Despite this, I went anyway, but I wouldn’t say I particularly enjoyed it. I was tired, and my mind was waiting for it to end from the beginning.
I was speaking to someone recently about this phenomenon – the trap where we programme ourselves to stop enjoying the things that we actually usually like. We reminisce about the excitement we had before, but now the idea of doing the task feels like a chore, or another item on the to-do-list which doesn’t fit into what we see as our busy schedules.
So why is it that if the class is the same, the outcome is completely different?

Prioritising the important over the urgent

This week I travelled to Stockholm. Although work trips are an exciting opportunity to travel, I must admit I wasn’t particularly energised by the idea. I’ve been somewhat worn out over the last few weeks.
But it was important for me to go. From a professional perspective, I attended a conference which was extremely rewarding.
And for me personally, it was also an opportunity to go out and see more of the world. Travel can be enriching for the soul, and taking new culture can be deeply inspiring.
Both travelling to Stockholm and taking time to visit were me realising what was important, over what was urgent.

Mistakes interviewees make – from a panellist’s point of view

In the last two months I’ve been doing various interviews for roles within our office. It made me reflect at how jarring the interview experience can be for someone who may be looking for a new role, particularly if you’re just starting your career.

It took me a long time to understand what was really asked for in interviews for office jobs. Now, on the other end of the table it’s interesting to observe how different people come out in practice. So I thought I’d share these reflections which might help you avoid the pitfalls if you’re in the midst of applying for a new role.

The mind is self- cleansing. You don’t have to do anything to fix it.

I’ve been having issues sleeping in the last few weeks. I fall asleep quite easily, but I have a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes I manage to fall back asleep for a mediocre night’s sleep, but some nights (including two nights ago) I woke up in full alertness and was awake from 3am.

I don’t think this will be ‘fixed’ overnight. But I also recognise that I don’t need to be defined by my tiredness or lethargy, nor let it overly negatively affect my life.

Our minds go through pain, but we don’t actually have to do anything to heal it. If we trust the process of letting our minds be, it will return to its natural state of health and wellbeing without us interfering with the process.

The limits to intellectualizing our life decisions

When we make decisions, many of us try to look at things very logically. We research information or ask friends for guidance. Maybe we’ll write a pros and cons list.
But can we really make a pros and cons list to as big a life decision as getting married? How about having kids? How about moving country? How about doing what you love?
One of the biggest downwards spirals I had with my life was trying to logically decide what I wanted to do. I would turn my brain to overdrive to figure out what the answer to my career and life were. I saw life as a puzzle – if I simply stared at it longer and spent more time trying to figure it all out, I would know what I was meant to do.

I learnt that the mind is not always the best tool to understand or decide bigger things in life.

Life is an ever-shifting enigma. Embrace it.

What is change?

There’s been quite a few notable events in the UK over the last week – The Queen’s passing, Liz Truss as the new Prime Minister, and most dramatically of all, Thomas Tuchel being sacked as Chelsea Manager.

The more I’ve focussed on the idea that everything is changing the more jaded I feel. The human mind looks for patterns to explain why I feel the way I’m feeling – if I feel a sense of insecurity, I look for a reason.

Clarity of thought will drive your life to its highest level

How much time do we spend questioning ourselves around what we should be doing?

Should I go to the gym today? Should I find a new career? Could I be more fulfilled right now?

At some point, we all go through a period of questioning ourselves. Sometimes life throws us curve balls which make us reassess what we want without clarity of thought, it was hard for me to focus on any single thing.

I thought about whether I might want to move to a different job, sector or country. The possibilities could sometimes feel overwhelming because I didn’t really know what I wanted to do.