Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash
I was back in the UK this week, staying in my parent’s house.
When I went to take a shower, I saw that a spider had taken over the bathtub. There was an impressive amount of webs that had covered the whole area.
I needed the shower, but I saw that it would most definitely kill it. So with a bit of paper I managed to poke at it. It quickly scuttled up the paper, and started running up my arm. In a bit of a panic, I managed to fling my arm out so that it fell onto the bathroom floor. I was quite happy to see that the spider was still moving on the floor, where it sought refuge behind the toilet.
I couldn’t help but reflect that my act of mercy on this poor spider probably felt like a deeply traumatic event for it. I had come along and essentially destroyed its home, along with hurting it from its fall.
This made me think about how life does similar things to us as humans. An inexplicable event occurs, filled with tragedy. Yet in the end, it might actually be a real blessing, we are just unable to see it at the time.
For those that aren’t aware, Bangladesh has gone through rather seismic changes, with the Prime Minister being ousted following protests. The movement originated as a student movement against unfair quotas for government jobs going to descendants of liberation fighters. The quota was disproportionate and essentially meant jobs for the families of those already in power.
The brutal repression against the student movement ended up turning the public against the government. Eventually, this led to a wider movement, with Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina having to flee to India; she also announced that she had resigned as Prime Minister. The state has now shifted into a delicate situation with a clear power vacuum.
I’ve been rather fearful as to what happens next. Bangladeshi history has had bad instances of the past where the army simply took control, with brutal repression following. Power struggles are extremely bloody and damaging, and if things go wrong, the country could descend into chaos. Fortunately, the first signs look somewhat positive. Students successfully called for Nobel prize winner Muhammad Yusuf to come in as a chief adviser. It looks like order is looking to be achieved and new elections to come.
I can’t help but feel naive and misinformed about the degradation of politics in Bangladesh. People have been snatched away, and political opponents heavily repressed. Honestly, it’s pretty upsetting to learn about this all going on. Whilst corruption was evident, I hadn’t realised it had gotten this bad. All I can do now is hope that it settles down and good governance is the ultimate winner.
The week has also had a few other events dotted around. The riots of far-right protesters around the UK has been unsettling. It makes me question a lot around our narrative around multiculturalism, and how far we really have come in society when people can be openly racist. The events made its rounds across Europe, to the point that I even had people in Belgium question whether I should go back to visit my parents because of what they heard.
Meanwhile, I’ve been doing several hours of assessments around my neurodivergence. These are several hours of rather tiring questions, jabbing into uncomfortable personal memories on childhood.
I suppose I took it as a compliment that the psychologist described me as an ‘interesting case’. Turns out I am very contradictory in my answers. On the one hand I need routine and repetition. But I also need novelty and colour. I need my peace and quiet, but I also need intense social stimulation.
I’ll have to see what this really means, but it could be a blend of different conditions in play (somewhere between Autism, being a Highly Sensitive Person, having some form of ADHD and/or being ‘intellectually gifted’). What is clear at least is that I fit the profile of a neuroatypical person.
Processing these sorts of events is pretty exhausting. I’ve felt fear, as well as emotionally drained.
But I return to thinking about that spider, running around my parent’s bathroom floor.
The traumatic event it lived through is the reason it lives to see a new, better day.