When we get so caught up in what we need to do, we can lose the joy in the day-to-day activities.
The focus often turns to efficiency, rather than pleasure. The relaxing morning coffee turns into a rushed caffiene consumption. The calming walk outside in nature turns into a step-counting exercise.
It seems to be happening more often to people around me. As we get squeezed into a sense of productivity, the focus is always how we can get more out of ourselves, squeezing the lemon that is our soul for every ounce.
I’ve been focussing on enjoying more parts of my life. It’s been a work in progress. In some senses I’ve had to, mainly because the idea of efficiency doesn’t really make sense when you don’t actually have anywhere to be.
I’ve gone from having a mega packed schedule to one where I’m pondering what I’ll do each day. For a good few months, I felt pretty lost without a sense of urgency. Over the years I had built the idea that simple tasks like a shower and breakfast required a deadline to push me to get out of bed. The only reason to keep myself alive was essentially so that I could meet the next deadline.
Over time, I did get better at this. But once I had gotten to the point of disconnecting sustenance with productivity, what then took its place was a sense of perfectionism. If I couldn’t be fast, I could at least be good.
And so, my activities were then framed as needing to be good for me. I had to do things that were somehow improving my life. I fell into this also partly because I wanted to make myself better. It was with the good intention that if I focussed on doing the ‘good’ activities, I would heal and get my energy back.
Yet this was not particularly joyous either. Focussing on doing things because they were good for me still was a very mechanical way to live. It also meant that I fell into the trap of being afraid of doing things that were supposedly bad for me. This was particularly the case for food. I lost my appetite for eating out completely. Whilst I’m glad I didn’t rely on junk food to keep me going, the fact that I felt zero desire for most foods was actually even more alarming.
I see re-learning to enjoy the little things as a way to re-wire my relationship to dopamine. A lot of my ‘entertainment’ was often from scrolling on social media and short but intense interactions with people. Whilst I definitely don’t chastise myself for these things (after all, enjoying the little things also includes enjoying the silly instagram reels), but it meant that my desires were dictated by short and easy things.
To counteract this, I’ve been eating a wider variety of foods – less ‘healthy’ breakfasts, more chocolate and energy drinks. I haven’t been bingeing on them, more that I’ve just been building more novelty into my life again. I’ve also moved my phone charger to the other side of my room so that there is a clearer moment when I am ‘turning off’.
One thing I’ve realised is how important it is just to have a general sense of joy in our lives. No matter what our goals are, if we aren’t happy, it will all feel harder. In fact, it’s even been shown that cells in a depressed state work less actively than cells in a happy state. So not only will it feel harder, it will actually physically be harder too.
So, even though scientific wisdom may suggest too much sugar is bad for the body, there is a point that if eating chocolate brings joy, it may have a net positive effect. Sure, there are consequences – if I don’t change my habits for the next 20 years my teeth will no doubt suffer. Yet this is probably still a better outcome than just being miserable for the next 20 years anyway.
So it is important to turn the rational, scientific brain off. We have become so used to dictating our lives from that side of our brain that we often forget there’s the whole other side of it too.
The more healthy relationship we have to joy and happiness, the better life we will live. Not just in happiness, but also in health, career, relationships and everything else.
You’re allowed to enjoy things. It’s your right. Perhaps it’s even your obligation.