Tag: #happiness

It Ain’t Like The Movies

Am I a phoenix born again from the ashes, or am I shooting star, slowly fizzling away?
Whenever I think about life, this question is where I repeatedly return.

Everyone loves a hero’s story. Writers throughout history have realised that a story is only interesting if there is failure. Nobody wants to listen to a story about someone who was always perfect throughout their life. No, instead, we are engrossed by stories where the protagonist fails. But when they fail, they do not give up. Through perseverance, they overcome the grand challenge before them.

Unfortunately, life is not like the movies. If the current moment is to be the moment preceding my rise, it unfortunately feels far less poetic, and certainly far more boring. Whereas Rocky seems to be able to massively improve in the space of a 5-minute montage, the experience in real life seems to take a whole lot longer.

The little rays of sunshine

I’ve felt a little more upbeat this week. It’s quite hard to say why.

But then, looking for the perfect answer is like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. There’s something about the vagueries of life that no one can ever fully explain.

I do feel a bit better with my health compared to last week. My nausea has reduced somewhat, my sleep seems calmer and I feel more balanced and upright. But honestly, these are relatively minor.

Nothing has particularly shifted otherwise. It’s why I must admit that a mood uplift has hit me slightly by surprise.

Writing with little to say

I’m feeling particularly uninspired with my writing. It feels like I’m simply rewriting the same stories every time.

Granted, I probably feel that more than anyone actually reading. One article a week is but a drop in the ocean, considering how much information we are constantly consuming. It’s probably actually a good thing that I repeat myself, else any key message quickly gets lost.

Yet I’m also just fatigued about talking on the same subjects. I seem to either be giving live updates around my health, or talking about the accompanying mental difficulties.

A Regression to a Younger Age

It’s been a strange August. I think it’s been a bit weird for everyone.
Perhaps I’m a nostalgic millennial, but I miss the simpler days of the school summer holidays. Admittedly, my family rarely went on holidays, but at least it felt like a seasonal pause from school work.
August no longer seems to have that feeling of being a real break. Everything seems to be in constant motion. The chase for productivity is winning out against periodic rest.
My life has seemingly regressed to a similar style of living as I had when I was young. Perhaps it’s my way of searching for creature comforts, even if the comforts weren’t all that comfortable. In my youthful summers, I spent most of my time playing video games feeling pretty isolated from the world. My current situation does feel remarkably similar.

A slow shift into a more peaceful life

It feels like my life is hitting a new equilibrium point. My energy fluctuations feel less chaotic, and basic tasks are no longer feeling like a struggle.
Yesterday, I went to the sea-side on the Belgian coast. I went with a similar group of people to the ones I went with a year ago. It was a nice day, and the ocean waves are always a calming sight.
But what was noticeable was how much calmer I was about life compared to a year ago. Things are certainly not perfect, but I feel like things feel more settled.

The slow descent into anti-sociability

It’s like the movies. I’m in one of those cool, funky hostels in the South of Spain. It’s a Saturday night, and I’m chilling in the trendy living space. A mixture of nationalities, interesting stories and diversity. This is the moment where the magic happens.

But when I look up, I see four people in opposite corners of the room. They are all scrolling on their phones. No acknowledgement or pleasantries. Just some Instagram reels, then they eventually wander off to bed.

I haven’t been to a hostel in some time, but apparently this is the descent of hostel culture. What was once an opportunity to meet random travellers now has turned into refuging into solitude from a life of solitude. What happened?

Daring to Dream (of owning a printer)

No person can full transcend temptation.
We may like to pretend that we can. But deep down, we all know that we have our weaknesses.
For me, I was too enticed by its allure. The power of autonomy and freedom. The status symbol.
Yes, that’s right. I was seduced into buying a printer. It was sitting there on the street at the princely sum of €5 at the neighbourhood ‘sell your random stuff’ market. When I saw it, I knew it would be a gamble. But I thought it was worth it, after all, what is €5?

Surrendering to the winds of the world

For the first time, I played with the notion that I may never recover. Perhaps the energy of old will never return. My new existence is one of exhaustion and management.

This may sound defeatist, but I don’t think it is. I do believe that I will recover, slowly, but surely. But considering how long this has gone on, and realistically how far off anyone’s expectation this has been, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility to think that I may never get better.

Rather than sounding bleak, there is a sense of simplifcation that comes with such a thought. No longer do I need to constantly find this something that I need to fight. No longer do I need to feel like I am delaying my life to a magical ‘when’ time. It allows me to be present, and not worry too much about the future. There is a freedom in this.