It feels like my life is hitting a new equilibrium point. My energy fluctuations feel less chaotic, and basic tasks are no longer feeling like a struggle.
Yesterday, I went to the sea-side on the Belgian coast. I went with a similar group of people to the ones I went with a year ago. It was a nice day, and the ocean waves are always a calming sight.
But what was noticeable was how much calmer I was about life compared to a year ago. Things are certainly not perfect, but I feel like things feel more settled.
In 2025, I felt like I was caught in a whirlwind. I was in a continuous anxious state of how to heal myself, but with little to show for my work. Meanwhile, I was constantly plagued by worry around what I was meant to be doing with my life.
Today, the noise just feels lower. I’ve made peace with a lot of things. Lots of them are probably small, but I think they have now added up enough to be making a substantive impact. I have certainly not figured out the big questions, most notably what I actually am meant to be doing in life. But I also feel less pressed to worry about it.
A big change is that I now feel like I’m progressing. Rather than constantly searching for solutions, I finally think I understand my underlying health problems better. The neurodivergence explaining the chronic tension. I feel like I’ve also found an answer to my perennial weight problems, which stems from very high insulin resistance. I can now actually target it as a problem, rather than attempting general weight loss tactics that were ineffective.
The real world impact is that I find myself strategising around my life far less. The big things like career and work are not worth worrying about until my health gets better. Meanwhile, the moderate improvements mean that I don’t need to be so careful about every aspect of my life, compared to what it was before.
At the beginning of my burnout, I would strategically decide when to go to the supermarket based upon whether I had the energy to get out of bed. As time went on, my capacity increased somewhat. Nonetheless, I still needed to be extremely careful to not overextend and crash out.
Basic things having a higher cost meant that they came with more tension. There was far more pressure for basic social events to be ‘worth it’ because they took so much energy. When I went to something that didn’t feel good, it ended up hitting harder because of how much energy it took.
As time goes on, this barrier to entry is slowly decreasing. I can go without a sense of expectation. Life is a lot easier without worrying about such things.
An important factor is that I’ve cut out areas that have given me consistent friction. Social settings where there’s either always some level of drama, or where I feel like something is of. I think I’ve dearly underestimated how big of an effect that has had on my health over the long term.
It’s probably why I also feel more confident that this moment will be a genuine recovery signal rather than a single positive blip. In the past, a good moment often was followed by one where I felt like I was getting dragged back down. Now, I feel like I’ve removed a lot of the things that would have that negative effect, whether internally or externally.
Still, it’s important to be patient. Walking passed important-looking people in the EU quarter is a big reality check. Their busy hustle and bustle is not something I can currently do, and certainly not five days a week.
Yet If the next few months are simply slow and peaceful progress, I’d be ever so grateful for it.