This week started more anxiety driven for me than most. I found I woke up with a lot of existential dread without really being able to pin point why.
This week ended up being about finding ways to express the emotions outwardly, without necessarily trying to analyse them. Spending too much time trying to think about ‘why’ usually ends up worse rather than better.
One thing that helped a lot was talking it out in therapy. Having the space to explore and divulge what was going on internally made it apparent how much turbulent internal emotions were swirling around within me.
I’m not exactly shy about expressing what is going on within me with other people. I’m certainly not one of those ‘bottle in all the emotions’ type. Talking to friends is definitely beneficial, but a proper professional session goes to a deeper level of introspection that gives the time and space needed for such conversations.
The funny thing about emotions is that it’s often more about experiencing them rather than trying to solve them. Talking about my fears does a lot to alleviate them, even if it doesn’t necessarily fix the issue. It’s just nice to get it off my chest. Right now my thoughts are frazzled, so I’m in need of time just to piece it all together. It’s a slow process, but it’s progressing.
It is also one of the reasons I like writing these articles. I find it a way to have some space to share my thoughts outwardly, rather than keeping them stuck in my head. The weekly habit also means that I’m prompted to make sure I actually am listening to myself on a regular basis. It’s no wonder why journalling is a recommended activity for mental wellbeing.
It’s probably also worth mentioning that yesterday was Pride in Brussels. This year I actually joined the parade and marched along. Despite my anxiety of the large crowds of people, it was very good for me to go outside, see people and move around. Walking, talking, moving and dancing are other ways just to get the feelings out. It’s funny how the fear of crowds and sensory overstimulation wasn’t too much of an issue when my mind wasn’t so focussed on it (though I will admit to a sense of agoraphobia trying to move through the crowds).
Pride for me was a nice reminder of how much more settled I feel in Brussels. I bumped into a lot of people I knew during the day, without really trying too hard. It felt cosy and familiar, as well as warm and welcoming. Whilst last year’s pride was about chatting and meeting new people, this year felt like it was more reconnecting with those I hadn’t seen in a while.
My emotional expression has certainly been varied this week – introspective withdrawal to extroverted socialising and movement. I personally don’t think one is better than the other – they both have an important place.
Whatever method we choose, it’s worthwhile reflecting on how we are expressing our emotions to make sure we are doing so in a healthy way.
After all, the last thing we want to do is bottle them all up until we burst.