I’ve found this holiday period a good moment to slow down and reflect on the year – and what better day to do a reflective article than on 31 December?
I’ve firstly noticed how much residual fatigue I’ve been building up, particularly in the last few months. I got hit by an illness for the first two weeks of December, and since then I’ve felt myself battling to return to my previous routines of productivity. Of course, this isn’t a real battle, instead it’s one being waged within my mind.
I inadvertently put a whole lot of commitments for myself over this Xmas period, to the point where it just wasn’t really feasible. I wanted to record an audio version of my book, read the Ultimate Coach in Spanish, tidy my house, do some recreational reading, take some time for myself all whilst taking minimum annual leave from my job. I also wanted to keep up with my yoga and intermittent fasting through December as well.
At first, I found the fact I was hit by illness a nuisance. But when I reframed this as my body giving me the signals of needing to slow down, it started making far more sense. All these deadlines I had set on myself didn’t actually have any real life consequences. It taught me the importance of overcommitment and not getting too caught up in the doing.
Looking further back through 2022, I thought this year would be a period of stability and foundation-level building. After 2020 and 2021, years which felt like a period of survival (and physical upheaval for me moving to Belgium) I was hoping for something a little more solid but a bit less remarkable.
Spoiler alert – 2022 felt very different to what I thought it would – it certainly was more remarkable than I expected. This year I invested far deeper into my own personal development than I ever had done. I looked at myself in ways that were deeper than I ever have. Some of this was about reframing the way I think – spending less time lingering on my thoughts and more in genuinely living life.
But some of this was taking a more uncomfortable, deeper look at myself. How am I showing up with my friends and family – am I really being the person I say I am being? I’ve had some painful realisations around how I can fall into people pleasing tendencies, how I could shut off from family and how I could disconnect myself from my body and emotions by bunkering myself into my mind.
The person I was at the beginning of the year was very different to the person I am now. For some people, this has strained relationships, some of which have been long-standing ones. Some people have not really accepted or approved of the changes I’ve gone through. They might not understand this spiritual mumbo-jumbo I write about. Others have simply drifted away from my life as my priorities have changed.
But for all the discomfort, the rewards are that I am showing up in my life more fully and freely than ever before. I have made some really deep connections with new people over the last year, and I’ve really enjoyed rekindling dormant friendships too. I probably am more sociable than I ever was in the past.
The way I’m showing up is a more loving, kind person in my life. I’m clearer on the person I want to be, and I’m more committed to acting in that way on a day to day basis. I’ve had this remarkable shift where people want to spend far more time with me than they would previously, and I’ve had more friends reaching out to catch-up than I’ve had before. I’ve also started noticing the small pleasures more – the autumn leaves falling and enjoying being with nature. I feel more grateful for life than I did before.
The changes that I’ve had internally have also reflected in my achievements. This year, I moved to a bigger apartment, which has given me the physical space for a more expansive way of living. At work, I chaired an event in the European Parliament, with an MEP and a European Commission official either side of me, as well as a whole host of other speakers. The report we launched ended up being one of the most successful we’ve had.
I’ve also been dedicating myself more to my own endeavours – I’ve been taking a deeper dedication to my coaching clients, and have been growing my business in a healthy and sustainable way. I’ve learnt so much about the way I work and about business.
My social media presence has grown – both in reach but more importantly in my own confidence and vulnerability. I hit the 100th article I’ve written on these newsletters, and it’s really gratifying to see the improvement in my writing ability compared to my earlier articles.
In November, I published my book, Make Diversity Matter to You. I’ve been working on the book for the last two years, and it’s satisfying to get it off my hard drive and into the world. I see this as a positive achievement, but not a particularly big one. This surprises quite a lot of people – after all, isn’t writing a book meant to be a massive moment?
For me, I see it as part of this bigger picture in the sifts of the person I’ve become, and how I’ve learnt to commit myself to the goals I make for myself. The book is nice, but honestly, it’ll probably be one of perhaps a dozen I’ll end up writing in my lifetime anyway.
Considering how different 2022 was to what I thought it might be, I’m cautious about getting too caught up in my expectations on 2023. What I do know is that I’m on the right path with my own development, so my focus is to stay on the path.
I think some wonderful and exciting things will happen for me in 2023, but I cannot say what they will be.
But if I knew, where would be the fun in that?