Who knows someone who is so focused on their own goals that they totally forget how they’re showing up in the other parts of their life?
For example, the friend who no longer turns up now that they’re in a relationship. Or the colleague who is so caught up in work that they fail to see that the deadline is not actually life-or-death.
It’s annoying right?
Well, newsflash. This also includes you.
The more I talk to people, the more I’m struck at how every one of us have beautiful dreams for our lives.
Unfortunately, many of us get resigned to the idea that such ideas are simply the tale of fiction. After all, we could never ever achieve something as preposterous as that.
But we were born to dream. It wasn’t a mistake. Nor was it a cruel torturous method to dangle a carrot in front of our faces that we were never destined to reach.
I don’t doubt you do a lot of different things in your life. But have you ever stopped to ask why you’re doing them?
Whilst it may sound obvious, if we’re not clear about what we want, the chances of us getting it are nigh on impossible. We can easily end up meandering through life. We get ourselves into activities, relationships and jobs without really knowing why we ended up there.
But to have a truly meaningful life, it’s so vital to get really intentional about what the ‘why’.
I’ve known for a long time that I’m different.
Growing up in the UK from a Bangladeshi background, I was one of the few non-white faces within school.
But it was only until I got to my first office job that I first realised that my differences would provoke additional challenges. Before that, I naively thought that the workplace was a space that was genuinely open, and driven towards the most effective way of working.
With my recent autism diagnosis, I feel like I’m having this experience all over again
‘Try having some fruit, that will give you some good vitamins’.
During my burnout period, I went basically into total hibernation mode. My eating was repetitive, easy to make food.
But in this one moment of eating an apple, my body suddenly felt a surge of energy. Rather than relying on a sugar boost from a fizzy drink or falling back on an energy drink, I was getting genuine, healthy nutrition.
None of this is exactly mind blowing. We all know eating fruit is generally good for us. Yet when I was stuck in a rut of mediocrity, I lost sight of what is genuinely nourishing.
I’m not very good at being ‘normal’. I tried it.
In fact, I tried very hard. But the more I tried, the more I ended up seeming like a paid-actor hired into a sample group. I didn’t really fit in, so I learnt what I should say. But then, my rehearsed, polished answers were a little too good to be trusted.
One of the benefits of now having an official autism diagnosis is seeing why the disconnect takes place. When many people recommend certain actions, they don’t often expect you to do it.
Based upon everything we’ve discussed, I believe you clearly fit within the threshold of autism’.
I couldn’t help but smile.
I feel like getting my autism diagnosis is a cause for celebration. I can now actually describe myself as Autistic. I don’t need to caveat as ‘probably autistic’ or question whether I really am or not anymore. What I had basically assumed to be the case 7 months ago turns out to actually be true.
Some people will find my reaction quite surprising. After all, isn’t getting an assessment for a neurological and development disorder actually meant to feel bad?
‘What you might call a burnout, I would call a mutiny of the soul’.
A curious phrase. I had never thought about it that way.
It was what that John Patrick Morgan said to me this week on a phone call as he was doing his gardening.
My recent months of introspection have been far more scientific medical than spiritual. Whilst the last few years was far more about exploring the existential, 2024 has been a lot more about trying to rationalise and diagnose.
Yet, there was a reason I turned to spiritual teachings in the first place. There are limits to the scientific – the rational can only explain so much.
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