Tag: #change

A polite reminder to see how far you’ve come

Whenever I see a post telling us to remember what we’ve achieved, I tend to scoff a little.

It feels a bit cheesy. It is like an invitation for self-congratulation, which feels even more bizarre when it often comes in response to facing a current hardship. Why look back, when the thing that we’re meant to be facing is staring right in front of us?

Yet as is often the case with common wisdoms, there is usually truth behind them. That’s probably why they stand the test of time.

Sometimes looking back is actually very important. When we don’t go back to seeing what we achieve, it’s hard for us to have a sense of momentum or pride upon what we’ve overcome. Without these things, our task becomes even harder.

I don’t believe that I should be authentic

I was at a work party once a number of years ago. We were speaking about ourselves, so cue a moment of self-effacing humour.

I uttered the words ‘I think people like me, until they get to know me’.
Although I’ve left the UK, one thing that will never leave me is my dry British humour. It can be a little funny when this takes people by surprise, particularly now living in the continent.

Yet no joke is funny unless it has some level of truth hidden underneath.

Getting back into a life of structure

I’ll be starting a new role in September. It draws a line under a rather chaotic period in my life.

What started off getting signed off for a week of sick leave in February 2024 turned into an 18 month descent into executive dysfunction and existential crises. It wasn’t all bad, but it was pretty rough.

Honestly, the toughest part was having nothing to do. The emptiness during the day has felt harrowing. People I know are working. Most social activities happen during the evening. So what do I do for the next 8 hours, sitting here, all alone?

On dealing with the unfairness of life

I woke up a few days ago. But when I got out of bed, I had a shot of pain. Putting weight on my right foot hurt a lot. I could barely step without wincing.
What caused this grand injury? I’m not actually really sure.

The night before, I did a dance class and walked around without problem. Before going to bed, I had zero pains.

I’m feeling quite bitter about this. I feel like I’ve done nothing to really provoke such an injury.

Doing a diagnostic on our daily anxieties

How often are you feeling anxious during the day?

For me, that number has turned out to be a lot higher than I realised.

I came back to Brussels on Monday after a visit to my parents in London. When I’m with my parents, a lot of my daily responsibilities are put on hold. I’m privileged to have a space where I don’t have to cook or clean.

But I had a slight anxiety attack the moment I came back into Brussels. On the floor, I saw a letter in my name, without any obvious sender. Cue a sense of panic.

Avoiding the trap of constant negativity

I’m back for a visit in London. I’m here to see my parents. Partly to do my familial duties. Partly to get a free birthday meal. Partly to get the rest of my mum’s cooking back to Brussels.

I noticed myself getting into a spiral where I felt quite sour around the idea of coming back. I’d remark of returning to the ‘sinking island’. I’m totally justified in having such an opinion. Indeed, we’re all entitled to one.

Yet what I need to be careful of is falling into the negative spiral of seeing everything so negatively. If I’m not careful, it will turn any trip I have here into one of misery and anger.

Another year of revolving around the sun

Each year, I write a reflective post around the time of my birthday.
This year, I’m not really sure what to say. It is as if my mind has become even more fogged in confusion than ever before.
One of the ironies of life is that the more we learn, the less we seem to understand.
I feel better equipped than ever to explain the phenomena that I see. I’ve observed, learnt, studied. And yet, I seem less about to comprehend it than ever.

Feeling the pain of a world in conflict

I’ve been feeling low rather regularly in the last week. It’s really been at odds with what’s happening in my life. Broadly speaking, I’m actually on the up.
Yet as I regain my connection with the world, I also regain my connection with its pains. And right now, the world is in a lot of pain.
Seeing what is happening right now in Gaza is devastating. My soul has been longing for some space for sadness. After a period of time, perhaps I’m finally giving it.

Riding the emotional downs without guilt

For the last few weeks, I’ve been waking up feeling pretty ‘ugh’.

The film Inside Out 2 introduced a new character to personify this. The character was called ‘ennui’, with a stereotypical French manner of ‘bof’.

Ennui is essentially a feeling of disinterest and melancholy. It’s a good description of how I’ve been often feeling in the mornings and late in the evenings. (Although I preferred the first film better)

If I spend too much time thinking about it, I can end up getting super frustrated. After all, how can we have so many emotional shifts within the space of a single day?