Photo by brooklyn on Unsplash
For the first time in around two years, I’ve had several days in a row where I’ve woken up without a sense of fatigue or dread.
Around two months ago, I remember having a day where I felt pretty good. I could get up, go out and doing things without any real issue. Is this what it is to live again? It was remarkable how easy everything felt.
But that was not a sustained feeling. The day after I was back in an energy dip. It was quite frustrating. Yet it at least reminded me what life is meant to feel like.
I’ve learnt how poor our understanding of burnout really is. Many people equate it simply to a sense of overwork or exhaustion. But it’s much more fundamental than that. It is often our internal systems purposefully shutting down. It is it’s way of telling us that the way we are living is not functioning, and that something needs to change.
In the West, we have gotten very good at ignoring our bodily signals. Subtle signs of mental or physical poor health are systematically ignored. Our ‘important project’ means that it’s fine to just take a paracetamol every day. Broken sleep just means drinking more coffee in the morning. Feeling low means we get shoved on antidepressants (this one happened to me).
When we ignore the more subtle signs, their only choice is to get louder. Eventually, it becomes like a toddler screaming so loudly that we must listen.
Ayurveda describes a burnout as an imbalance of doshas (energies). I have found it far more balanced and useful than any Western way of looking at it. A book I read even gave the most clear guidance I’ve ever seen. Eat foods that balance the doshas, and rest. For every year off sick, add an extra season (i.e. 3 months) for recovery.
Most people rush back to work far too quickly. I was actually close to doing similar myself. The logic was that if I got back to work, I would go back to a sense of routine. Then I would get better.
But this was a fundamental misunderstanding. The point of these moments is not simply to rest. It is to reevaluate our way of living. If our lifestyle is one that will lead us to burnout, then if we go back to it, it will result in another burnout.
Many people talk about the importance of slowing down. This has some truth, but it’s not the whole truth. There are certain activities that need to be reduced. But there are others we simply must stop. They are bad for us, and we can tolerate it no longer. Likewise, this also means that we must also start new things that are healthier for us. The word renaissance literally means rebirth in French. This is a period of reinvention, not just repair.
What this looks like for individuals can greatly vary. But it’s important that this is not just about physical health. In fact, a lot of it is about everything else. For me, working in my last job was destroying my soul. The poor treatment and lack of respect was killing me. I needed to get out.
The rush back to normal life also comes from a lack of patience. I will admit that this sort of period isn’t very fun. It’s challenging when even basic tasks feel difficult. There have been many moments where I’ve struggled to feed myself. I’ve dreaded showers because of the heightened sensory input it gives me.
So it’s quite natural to see if we can find a way to ‘speed it up’ or do something to just make it go away. We also crave the structure that we previously had, and so delusionally believe that returning to it will fix the problem.
We also live in a society that is not built for sickness. The pressure to earn money is rather crazy. I realise how fortunate I am that I can take time away from work. Not everyone has that luxury.
It was not always this way. Even in the west, we still had diseases and long term sicknesses that were common place. Vaccines for things like polio only came into play over the last 70 years. Sickness and caregiving was far more seen than it is previously.
I recognise that I am getting better. I think the worst has passed. And make no mistake, the worst was rough. It has included periods of intense existential agony. They weren’t pleasant, but they were necessary.
But I’m also not there yet. My body still needs longer. Any regular physical exertion will be too much. I can feel it.
But for the first time, I can genuinely believe that better days are ahead.