Blog – Page 10 – Tahmid Chowdhury

Overcoming the ‘dread’ of awaiting something important

Post author By tahmidchowdhury
Post date April 1, 2023

One thing I’ve noticed is how we (particularly men) tend to put off taking care of our health. Many of us have learnt to simply power through rather than pursuing actual medical advice. For me, last month was the first time I’ve seen a doctor in probably six years. In the last few days, I went for a long overdue health check-up .

I had forgotten the feeling of impending doom we often feel when sitting in the waiting room. The idea of being around lots of sick people can make us worry about what untold mysteries may ail us. It’s no wonder then that many of us associate health check-ups with negative emotions. It’s probably why we avoid them so much. ‘Ignorance is bliss’, so they say.

Unfortunately, many of the health issues we experience are often exacerbated by us ignoring the problem. At a logical level, I think most of us know that. And yet, we can avoid getting our health checked because it scares us.

This phenomenon is not only about health. I also spoke with someone this week who had been dreading the idea of attending an event for something they enjoy. Even though they have fun when they are there, they felt a sense of dread at the idea of having to go and meet new people. It’s an experience we can all relate to – I certainly can.

This feeling of dread is preventing us from doing many of the things we really want to: taking a leap into a new job, an exciting holiday or simply trying a new hobby we’ve always wanted to, but been too afraid to try. It nearly always is something that holds us back.

The great thing is that we don’t have to suffer from this idea of ‘dread’. When we can recognise that the thought of thinking something scary is what is causing the feeling, rather than the activity itself, we can completely change our relationship to the feeling.

Many of us feel nervous before starting an activity, say doing public speaking. We can feel our bodies tense and our palms start to sweat as we await getting called up. Yet when we are on stage, quite often we forget about all these feelings – we get in flow.

So the activity itself isn’t necessarily the thing that is causing the fear, it’s the thoughts. Our brain is on overdrive trying to scan threats to protect us, and it does not particularly like the unknown. So these activities are seen as dangerous, and our brain responds accordingly.

One thing that’s helped me massively has been shifting the relationship I have with my mind. There are many areas that the brain can be fantastic – delving into deep problems and finding a solution in an incredibly diverse set of scenarios. But what the brain is not so good at dealing with is uncertainty. Using the brain for these activities will leave us reactive, and often fall into paranoia, anxiety and doubt.

My invitation to you is reconnecting to a different part of you. This is often known as your ‘gut’, instinct or inner wisdom. It is a quieter voice that will give you a more measured, balanced response. Around the issue of health, deep down we know that it is important, but our mind may put off the decision because of fear.

Following this intuitive voice within me has generally been far more successful for the bigger things in life. It’s also meant that I’ve felt far less stressed around waiting or planning. I trust myself to know what is right for me. From this space, life is far easier.

What is your gut telling you?

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In November 2022, I released my book, Make Diversity Matter to You. This is to help you understand diversity better for yourself and make a meaningful impact. To purchase a copy, check this link here: https://linktr.ee/tahmidchowdhury

I am a coach and I work with individuals to have awesome and fulfilling lives by shifting their thinking. If you would like to explore what that could look like for you, message me on LinkedIn or email me at [email protected]. I am also open to queries on talks, webinars and podcasts.

We can enjoy each day – even when we are sick

I’ve been laid low by illness. What I thought was a cough was actually a throat infection. And whilst it’s nothing serious, it still took me out of action.

Rather than trying to struggle through, I took the time to rest. I generally make a point of taking my sick days when I need them – too often people are pushing themselves through illness. This then later turns into something more serious when the body has to give even stronger signals that we need to stop.

It might sound counterintuitive, but it is also about leading by example. I see many leaders advocating people taking breaks and sick days, but rarely doing so themselves. Whilst I am empathetic that it can sometimes feel hard to take ourselves away from work, It’s also hard to set a positive culture when the norm from the top is to work whilst sick.

This week’s article was prompted by a short conversation I had with someone. They told me that taking time to be sick made them feel bad because they felt unproductive. It made them feel like they are doing nothing.

This is a feeling that many of us have experienced in our lives. We don’t want to let the team down, and feel anxious at the idea of not doing something. When society instills in us the idea that we have to constantly be active, the idea of stopping feels like a bad thing.

But rest is a necessary part of our existence. It gives us the balance and lets us recover. When I spoke to a fellow coach this week she reminded me that I mentioned that I’d like a rest a few weeks ago – this is my body’s way of telling me to actually do it!

One of the major difficulties we can have is to simply sit without stimulation. We train our brains to have a constant stream of activity, meaning that any pause makes us feel angsty. It’s why when we are ill, many of us can get very frustrated because we have nothing to do.

I’ve come to enjoy my sick days much more than I used to. Rather than sit still pondering the universe until I go crazy, I take this as a moment for me to slow my movements and withdraw into myself. I might do some light reading, and if I’m feeling drowsy (as I have done several times this week) I will go have a nap. I’ve also taken some time to have warm baths to ease my throat.

This period of illness has also allowed me to get my bearings after a month filled with travel. I can take a step back from the hustle and bustle to find more peace and tranquility.

Although it might sound odd, we can choose to enjoy our day, even when we are ill. The pain of a headache may not be pleasant, but it does pass. And we can use it as an opportunity to be grateful for the times when we do not have negative ailments. Our bodies do so much for us, and it’s only when we are ill that we take a moment to notice it.

The funny thing is that everything has gone completely smoothly whilst I’ve been ill, both in work and my personal life. The world doesn’t stop just because I’m not participating. It can be a helpful reminder for ourselves (and our own ego) that the earth doesn’t stop rotating because we take some days off work.

So this article is an invitation to you that life may actually be giving us a gift when you are ill.

We can choose how we want to view it. If we see it as an annoying burden we will feel frustrated. But if we choose to see it as a helpful moment to pause and reflect, the whole experience is much more pleasant.

Sickness is a part of life, and we’re going to be sick every now and then, so why not enjoy it?

An invitation to try less hard in your life

This is the first weekend I’ve spent at home in Brussels in over a month. The last four weekends I’ve been away, on a mix of travels through India and successive trips to the UK.

And you know what? I’m tired. Not because of any overt travel fatigue, but because I’ve felt like life has been a consistent set of new hurdles. The irony is that the only person who fundamentally has been placing these hurdles is myself.

In January, I visited my hometown for the first time in five years. In February, I went on a 10 day solo voyage through India. In March, I attended a 3 day intensive in London, which took place last weekend. I’ve also had a whole bunch of other things come up in the last few months, some of which I’ve written about, others that I haven’t. Even without going into the details, I’ve experienced a lot in an incredibly short amount of time.

When I was in India, I crossed path with a fellow coach who was also on their route to the Ultimate Event in Mumbai. She was particularly adept at numerology, and based upon my birth date found that 2022 was Saturns Return – a year of ends. She also mentioned that this first year in the new cycle (i.e. 2023) will feel like I’m swimming upstream, and it will take more effort than it would normally feel like to get what I wanted.

Now I don’t expect everyone to believe in the world of numerology or astronomy. Yet there was something poignant about hearing something that felt like it connected somehow. I actually felt something quite relieving in hearing these words; it allayed some concerns that I wasn’t trying hard enough.

Along the way of my travels in India, I also ended up going to an astrologer. Although I don’t see myself as someone that bases their life on horoscopes, I also find myself being far more open to life beyond the western, rationalist way of looking at the world. This is especially the case since I’ve seen the benefits of looking towards a more spiritual approach in my life. Apparently he was a gold-medalist one too, so why not?

This astrologist talked about how I had a very high level of intelligence, and would write books. He also spoke about me living in European countries, and not live in the country of my birth. So quite a few things that certainly chimed – considering I’ve written a book, and currently live in Belgium when I was born in the UK. When he looked at my palm, he told me quite point-blank that I was not earning as much as I deserved. He also saw some work for me to do on my health.

There’s a whole bunch of information there, and I can choose how I want to interpret it. But there is a message here that I’ve also heard of in other settings. Another phrase that has a similar meaning is the idea of ‘slowing down’ and ‘surrender’ – both of which have come up in my yoga sessions and through the books I read. It’s also something I’ve been speaking to my coach about fairly frequently as well.

I wrote an article a few weeks ago about the feeling I had of overdoing my own personal development. I felt a little overwhelmed with the amount I was committing. Having now got through a lot of courses and personal adventures, I’m feeling quite worn out. I’m really glad I did these things, but I’m also conscious at how hard I have been pushing myself. Do I really need to live life as if I don’t have time to breath?

Thursday was the first day I had a free evening without plans, and that was only because of a cancellation. I genuinely found it difficult to even know what to do with a free evening because I’ve gotten so used to not having one.

As I settle down into a period of relative geographical stability, I realise that I don’t have to live in such an intense way. I can make strides towards the things that I want to do. But I can do that whilst also having time for myself. No doubt when I actually slow down and start enjoying life more, things will also feel a lot easier. I know that this will actually help me reach my goals faster too. Rather than swimming upstream, I can let the current guide me to where I am meant to go.

This is my own personal experience, but I also know that it is the case for many people. I don’t doubt that you have had similar experiences as well.

So this is an invitation for you to not try so hard. We have more time than we think we do, and life wasn’t created just for us to squeeze more productivity into our 24 hours in a day.

When we can feel light and free, we are far more likely to make the impact we want. We will also enjoy life far more along the way.

How much is your word worth when you commit?

I am attending a three-day intensive in London. This will go deep into our Being – how we can choose to be in our lives. We’ll spend time looking at how we can shift our mindset to live life in a more fulfilling and graceful way.

A big part of living the life we want is around commitment. We can only achieve the things we want by seriously committing to them. And whilst this may sound obvious, the reality is that we tend to be far less committed to the things we say we will do than we think.

A high level executive thought that he kept his word around 90% of the time. When he actually started counting, the actual percentage is lower to 20%. This is probably the case for most of us as well.

Think about the times that you have casually told someone that you’d love to catch up with them, or that you’ll drop them an email. How many times do you actually do it? Once you start counting them, chances are that the number will add up incredibly quickly.

At its more extreme, we can see this behaviour in the workplace when we are frequently missing deadlines, or not showing up to meetings. I read once that a coach was working with an executive who would accept 3 meetings at the same time and just decide on the day which one he would show up to. How are you meant to build trust with that attitude?

One of the biggest shifts in my life has been going deeper into my commitments. I am not perfect, but I am far more consistent than I used to be. Generally, if you drop me a message, or ask something from me and I say I will do it, I make it happen.

This has had a profound impact on my relationships both in work and in my personal life. People actually see me as authentic and reliable, rather than simply someone who promises then never delivers.

Life has a way of testing us, and this week has been the test of my commitment to commitments.

I had committed to attending this intensive. On Wednesday I learnt my Eurostar to travel to London was cancelled due to strikes in France, and I couldn’t change it until next week.

But maybe these are the challenges we’re meant to face. I could have chosen to cry woe into the world, or I could choose to figure out a way to deal with it.

I checked out flights, and it was possible for me to fly Friday morning at 4am and arrive at 6am to Heathrow. Although technically feasible, I’d rather not arrive with a dishevelled amount of sleep if I could avoid it. It was also 200 euros which is rather pricey. But at least it was an option. Plus there’s another strike on Belgium on Friday (welcome to continental Europe- how fun!) so it would probably be complicated to get to Brussels Airport.

So instead I found a coach, which would be a 10 hour ride. It wasn’t ideal, but I could make it work. I decided to go on Wednesday night to give me some rest on Thursday before attending the intensive. Getting to the station was a bit of an ordeal as the metro in Brussels was with reduced service, but I made it. I then proceeded to wait. First I waited 30 minutes, then 60. The coach didn’t come. A fellow traveller called the bus company, and they could not locate the bus. The only solution that they gave was to wait another few hours for the next bus at 3am and staying overnight in Lille.

I decided to book a new coach for the next day and head back home in Brussels. The travel home took longer than normal, and I got home at midnight with the same suitcase and backpack I had left with a few hours before.

On Thursday evening, I repeated the wait for the bus. It didn’t arrive at the scheduled hour of 10:35pm which led to a few concerns when I let my mind wonder, but it did eventually came 20 minutes later.

I am now writing this around Victoria Station at 7am. The Intensive starts at 8:15, and the venue is very close by. I got some hours of sleep on the coach, but we had to get out of the coach for passport control and when taking the ferry from Calais to Dover. So I’ve had around 4 hours of interrupted sleep.

In a funny way, this experience has been perfect. It has been the ideal test of my new way of living – genuinely committing to something and making it happen, whatever issues arise. There is something really powerful to know that I can deal with a situation like this now that I have dealt with it here. It shows me the power in committing, and the power of myself.

As I dealt with the situation, I had three reflections:

I’m choosing how I responded to this situation. Rather than getting caught up in angst or frustration, I can simply accept and move on. Even now, I can spend time thinking about how this is even more travel in a fortnight where I’ve probably spent 20+ hours on flights/trains, or I can just accept it and get on with life.
When I did not buy into the panicked mind, it allowed me to settle and assess my options. Within a few minutes I came up with alternative solutions to the cancelled train – planes, coaches, blablacars etc. When we focus, we can figure things out quite quickly. I was also decisive in my actions to ensure I didn’t miss out on the coach ticket (I wasn’t the only one who was on the cancelled train now looking for a way to London).
I understand the importance of being my commitments. I committed to this intensive, and so I will be there. If things come in my way, I will find another way. Being my word has been a complete gamechanger for me, and the more I lean into it, the more benefits I will gain.

Now my adventure makes for a nice tale. But I invite you to read it for yourself – what can you see about how committed you are (or not) around the things in life?

Many people I get in contact with around coaching want change in their lives, but often they are plagued with uncertainty or let other things take precedence. This can be things like work and family, or it can simply be that people are not feeling like doing the thing they have to do to change their life.

When we truly commit, we carve the space out to do what we need to do. We also don’t let our temporary feelings get in the way or wait until we feel ‘motivated’. From this space, we act, and we can create incredible, beautiful things. We can have whatever it is that we want in life.

This is the power of commitment. And it is available to you, if you are willing to commit to it.

‘Being’ and the power of coming from the heart rather than the mind

Last week, I attended the Ultimate Experience in India. The event was a gathering around ‘Being’, the way in which we choose to ‘be’ in our lives.

The idea is very simple. Our Being sets the foundation of how we show up in the world. We can choose to be loving and kind. We can choose to be the best mother, father, actor or production manager.

It sounds simple enough, to the point where it can sound like a deceptively shallow philosophy. I can declare out into the world that I am fulfilled, content and happy. But in of itself, this does not change anything.

The point here is that when we choose to be happy, we then live our life in a way that we are happy. It shifts our behaviour because we want to act in a way that we feel happy. The point of Being is not to manifest or declare something out into the world in the hope it will come towards us. It is the opposite – it is about where we are coming from as our base state.

The mistake we often make in life is that we think that when we accomplish a task, we become that thing. Often we think that we will be happy once we get that job, only to find that getting the job doesn’t actually change much. This is because it is actually the other way around. We can choose to be happy. From there, we’re actually far more likely to get the job anyway, because we are not bogged down with doubts caused by our unhappiness.

To take a practical example, I state that I am a writer. I choose this for myself. And what does a writer do? They write. So here I am, writing an article.

I chose to be an author, so I wrote my book. But if I told myself that I only am an author when I have written a book, I quickly get caught up in the idea that I am not worthy enough – so I never would have written it!

I previously attended the Ultimate Experience in London that took place last year. So this is not my first foray into Being. Yet back then, I found it powerful but confusing. I spent so much time trying to intellectualise the idea – I was mentally processing it all which left me exhausted. I got so much from that event, and yet the place I was coming from was one in which my mind had to understand it all. Unsurprisingly I felt overwhelmed and confused.

This time, the content flowed much deeper and seamlessly into me. I heard so many pieces of wisdom which were really useful. But most importantly, I had a transformative experience where I had profound insights on how I can live life more deeply.

Recently I have been working on tackling false humility that I carried around – it was holding me back to seeing my own greatness. I’ve learnt to both acknowledge and value the brilliance of my own mind. This has unlocked many doors where I am no longer doubting myself in the way I would previously.

And yet, this has also put all the attention to my intellectual processing power. Attending The Miracle in Mumbai demonstrated another side of me that is equally powerful and has been lying dormant within me.

The key speaker, Steve Hardison talked about the fact that when we come from love, all we can do is serve. This was a really powerful statement. Mixed in with conversations I had with other participants, it made me shift the whole paradigm in how I live.

Without realising it, I would often start doing things based upon the thinking of my mind. I would later then connect this to why it felt right. In other words, I would connect my doing to my heart almost as an after-thought.

But our wisdom starts from our heart. When we recognise that our deeper knowing comes from there, it changes things dramatically. Now, I start from a place of love. The heart gives the framework for the mind to operate in. Coming from love and being in service is a central principle of what I do, rather than an after-thought.

What I have realised is that I am a far more emotional and sensitive human than I ever really thought. Now when I look back on it, I was rather sensitive when I was younger, but somewhere along the way I had learnt to push that behaviour away. Perhaps because they were not particularly manly traits.

But reconnecting to that side of me has been a beautiful experience. I’ve found that when I start from a heart-centred space, it is much easier to create in a way that genuinely helps people. Let’s take the example of writing this article. It’s not dramatically different from the ones I’ve written before, and yet, by coming from a place of service, I am write it with a much clearer idea of how I can tailor my message to help people. When my mind dominates my Being, I will instead focus more around what I want to talk about because it pleases me.

Coming from the heart also negates so many of the pitfalls that we face. When we are always coming from the mind, we are overusing the powerful but limited tool of our brains.

We are asking it questions that it is not designed to answer – the meaning of existence, dealing with uncertainty, how to navigate moral issues and so on. When we over employ our mind, we fall into anxiety, overthink and stress. We can fall into unhappiness from being in a constant state of these feelings. Unfortunately, we see all these things in the people all around us, and you as the reader is probably experiencing this too.

The best bit is that coming from the heart doesn’t suddenly mean we have to abandon our work plans or ambitions. Instead, it gives them the moral compass they so desperately need. We benefit from the double-whammy of a clearer sense of direction and not being bogged down by our conflicting thoughts.

Since returning back from India, I have had one of the most intense few days of work I’ve ever had. I was jetlagged and still had a somewhat dodgy stomach. I returned to a few hundred emails and a lot of deadlines. I presented at a working group on Wednesday. On Thursday, I took a train from Brussels to Cambridge and presented to a group of start-up/SMEs. On Friday I held a 90 minute ways of working session and a bunch of other meetings plus more travel.

By coming from a heart centred space, I could glide through these activities in a way that meant I completed my tasks, but also did so in a loving and kind way. A past version of me would have been tired and stressed. I probably would have crashed either during or after, (and spent more time complaining about it too!). But I am seeing that the lightness I now employ lets me be incredibly efficient and effective in my life too.

If you are interested in learning more about how you can make a shift towards a more loving, heart-centred way of living, drop me a message.

Who are you Being in your life?

A tale of three cities – my travels through India

I’m currently in Mumbai, on the third and final leg of my tour of India.

The reason I came to India is to take part in The Ultimate Experience, India tomorrow. The event will be extremely impactful and I don’t doubt I’ll talk far more about it next week. However, I also wanted to experience different parts of India since I was coming all this way.

My choice of places to visit was quite haphazard in some senses. Delhi is not a place people tend to recommend visiting especially. Mumbai is an economic centre (and a beautiful one at that). Whilst Jaipur is a beautiful city to visit, I did not really venture out of the cities. I also chose not to see key sites like the Taj Mahal, for want of not cramming too much in.

Yet these three cities actually have given a really vivid and different set of experiences. In Delhi, I saw the political capital. Sprawling cities with urban disarray. The streets were crammed, and once you get out of the embassy quarters, there is a crazed sprawl of cars and junctions. On my tight budget, I stayed out more towards the messier areas. It allowed me to have the experience of walking through crammed but humble neighbourhood shops in my search of a padlock, a sim-card top up and a phone charger.

I had an incredible Tuesday which started with me heading to the Lotus Temple – a beautiful structure with a piercing quietness within. It gave me space to reflect on a number of things happening within my life. I then headed to a stakeholder workshop as part of my job which happened to be taking place in Delhi, and I learnt about the different climate actors in India.

It’s impressive to see the amount of work taking place in India and the growing conscientiousness towards climate issues. Here you can see the issues of population growth, urban sprawl and pollution right up in front of you. Yet there is also an evident need for greater development and increasing people’s economic welfare, which brings its own tensions.

In Jaipur, I visited the Amer Fort and City Palace. I did not know that Jaipur actually had its own royal family. The city is known as the Pink City for its vivid colours around the town, and there are beautiful historic structures to be found around the town.

My most poignant moment was going into the slums. Through a chance interaction I spoke to a tuk-tuk driver who ended up taking me into his home. He was a music teacher, and so spent his time teaching kids how to play music. He did this along with his father. I posted on my social media feeds a video of them playing ‘Just the Way You Are’ by Bruno Mars.

Jaipur was also notable in the intensity of its people. The Indian people are masters at the art of selling, and nowhere did I see this more than in Jaipur – perhaps due to it being less in the economic spotlight compared to Delhi or Mumbai. I got caught up accidentally suggesting I wanted to purchase a 500 euro rug, which I had to escape out of!

I also had my palm read by a gold-medalist astrologer. In the past I would have scoffed at such things but I found them genuinely insightful and a lot lined up with what has come up in my coaching. If you’re interested to know what he said, drop me a message.

Mumbai was notable in how much stronger urban planning existed. The streets were cleaner, and the roads made far more sense. The difference in economic strength was also really evident. Going to the nicer part of town had beautiful monuments along the sea. It’s no wonder that a lot of the Bollywood stars live out here.

From a personal perspective, this trip to India has shown how apparently fearless I am. Although I’ve been grappling with this idea of ‘lacking courage’, this is certainly more internal than external. Travelling alone is no mean feat, even if it hasn’t felt like the biggest deal for me. On my way from Jaipur airport to my hostel, I ended up hitching a ride on a motorbike.

The complication being that I had a big suitcase and a backpack. So if you can picture the scene – a guy sitting at the front, a big suitcase between us (that I was holding) and driving down the winding freeways. At one point he wasn’t sure where to go, so I ended up pulling out my phone and navigating. It’s good I didn’t get injured, as I’m not sure my travel insurance would have been too impressed!

Yet there is something coming out consistently throughout this trip. I would benefit with getting clearer with myself and sharing my gifts more explicitly. Although I’ve achieved a lot in my life, I’ve heard this sort of message repeatedly from the coaches I’ve met along the way going to the same event, my own coach and even the astrologer. My ill ease even came up during my quiet contemplation at the Lotus Temple.

I’ll no doubt have bolder commitments after the event tomorrow, so I will hold off for now. This event, The Ultimate Experience, took place last year in London. There I committed to finishing my book by November, which is something I actually achieved. So it will be fun to see what I commit to this time.

Are you travelling to escape the reality of your life?

Post author By tahmidchowdhury
Post date February 17, 2023

We often spend a lot of time fantasising about our next great escape. But what does that say about how we are feeling right now?

I’m travelling to India for ten days. In fact, I’m writing this on my layover in Istanbul Airport. I’ll arrive in Delhi in about 9 hours.

I felt called to go to India to attend The Ultimate Experience in Mumbai next weekend. I got so much out of being at the event in London last year, I knew this would be a really powerful and life changing experience. I also wanted to make the trip worthwhile, so I am spending some time travelling across a few cities first.

I’m certain I am going to enjoy my trip. And yet, I’ve spent very little amount of time beforehand dreaming about the wonderful adventures I’m going to have.

Part of this is a part of being a seasoned traveler – a lot of people would feel stressed about a solo trip around a few cities on the other side of the world. But for me, I have done solo travel before and have worked on my inner being (it’s one of the reasons I’m going out there!) – I trust myself to know how to deal with any situation that comes my way.

Aside from booking travel and accommodation, I’ve done little day-to-day planning, giving myself the creative space to enjoy the sights in front of me. Perhaps it’s also an understanding that I am travelling to a world that works in a different way – you don’t need long forward planning to do certain activities as you may do in the West.

A few days ago I started wondering whether I ‘should’ be feeling more excited about my trip. After all, isn’t the excitement part of the fun part. In the midst of my active life, was I missing something?

We’ve all had friends reminisce about amazing journeys, quickly moving onto the next exciting adventure that they want to go on. It’s inspiring and it can be a great motivator to go out and see the world.

And yet, when we look a bit deeper, I also have seen a sense of escapism seeping through this whole mentality. What often follows this grand tale is a sigh, and a resignation of returning back to ‘reality’. Are the places we travel to also not reality?

The underlying message within this is that the grind of our current life/job/relationship/place is not ‘enough’. We learn to simply exist until we get the next opportunity to escape for a few weeks.

Part of the reason I haven’t spent much time thinking about my experience in India is because I know I’ll have a great time when I am there anyway. By being present to the moments before the travel, I could fully experience those activities – work, calls and social catch-ups. I had all of those in the days running up to my flight. I was fully present with them, even though I knew I was travelling soon.

Ironically, by being more present to my day-to-day experience, I am strengthening the muscle which will allow me to enjoy my travels more fully. Many of us escape to exotic destinations for a sense of respite, only to find our minds are still stuck on our emails and meetings.

My travel to Delhi so far has been some of the smoothest I think I’ve ever had. With the absence of stress and overthink, I’ve hit a very happy medium of enough planning (getting my visa, flights and medicine) with relaxing the mind to the motion of taking in new stimulus. I probably had the best four hour flight watching some coaching videos. I’ll have another 7 hours later today which I think will also be great.

I choose to go on this adventure because I want to, not because I need an escape. This difference in intention means I will enjoy it far more. When I get to the final day, rather than panic about returning, I can simply accept this experience for what it is.

Many people are looking for a quick fix to the issues around them. Unfortunately, they do not see that the solution is rarely to jump on a plane to get away. When we are unhappy and look to change our location, we often find that the unhappiness travels with us. It’s because the thing we are unhappy with isn’t our job or spouse, but ourselves.

So the moment we can learn to love ourselves truly is the moment we no longer need a cool-sounding trip to fill a void. The inner work of finding contentment is a priceless gift. It also means that when we do get the opportunity to do it, it’s a nice bonus, rather than a requirement.

Live your life fully. Whether you’re at the beach or in the office, you can be equally happy.

What are you escaping from?

The tale of overdoing it (on personal development)

This week I’ve experienced a haze of uncertainty in my own sense of self. This has had knock-on effects in how assured I’ve been in how I operate.

A beautiful thing about self-development is that it questions what we think we know. This allows us to shift from old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve us, and sometimes gives us the challenge we need. It’s a healthy way to keep on evolving.

But the last few weeks I’ve been pushing myself *a lot*. I had a beautiful, but emotionally intense visit to my hometown of Bath. This included walking past my childhood home and through my old school. It was a lot of mental processing and emotional healing that I’ve still not quite fully completed.

I’ve also been working on my Being, and looking in particular at the disparity between how I am showing up in the world, versus the powerful, intelligent human I want to be. The gap in Being was pointed out to me by my coach, which was quite a sobering moment. It was a moment for me to reflect on the areas in which I had space to grow. In particular, I wasn’t aware until now that my aversion to sounding arrogant has been holding me back.

I do a lot of open, vulnerable commentary about where I’ve found things difficult and how I’ve learnt from them. But I rarely talk about my own greatness and how I can really help people through my writing and coaching. This is a case of me underselling myself. And besides, who would want a coach that didn’t really believe in themselves?

I’ve also been reexamining my own sense of self and my connection to my body and sensuality. I realise that in my quest for knowledge and use of my brain, I often times disconnect from my body. Whilst yoga has helped in the last few months, I’ve also been keen to find ways in which I can build a greater connection with the simple pleasures of warmth and touch.

The next few weeks have a number of things lined up – I am going to India for 10 days on a solo trip, culminating in attending The Ultimate Experience in India, which will bring together people from around the world on Being. It’ll be an extremely powerful and lifechanging event. It will also be intense. I then have a weekend coaching intensive in early March, which is another deeper way to examine myself.

This whole story is to say that I am doing a lot. And I have felt quite overwhelmed by it. I’ve really noticed it when I’ve had a reticence to read books or watch videos that I usually would jump to do.

So in response, I’ve looked to cut down my actual commitments of ‘when’ I will do things. I’ve realised I can give myself a lot more breathing space around my writing and coaching. India will also be a fabulous experience just to enjoy a completely different world – every time I travel I find it extremely energising. So it’s important that I take the time to actually enjoy it.

One of my issues recently has been getting good quality sleep. Sometimes trying to incrementally shift things can be slow and tedious. For example, All conventional wisdom therefore would say that staying to a house party last night till 4am would be a terrible idea.

And yet today I woke up feeling fresher than I have done in a long time. The connection with people, along with the reminder that I actually have a lot more of my life together really helped me relax. Today I’ve felt a lot more at peace than I have in a long time.

I know I’m not the only one who sometimes goes too hard in the things we usually enjoy doing. Sometimes that’s how the schedule lines up and can’t be helped, though often its us committing to a lot without realising. When we are in search of growth, it’s part of the game to push ourselves to greater limits. But the key is also to find a healthy edge so that it does not become too much at once.

The great thing about overcommitment is that we can choose to slow down and reassess. Very few things are genuinely urgent. So when we choose to prioritise and focus, we actually learn far more about ourselves than we would do by ploughing through without stopping to reflect.

So if you’re feeling overcommitted, remember that you can renegotiate your commitments. People would prefer to know that you need more time rather than seeing you burn out, or deliver substandard work.

You have far more agency in your life than you may think.

Where in your life might you be overdoing it?

Why I returned back to my hometown after five years

the word got around, they said, “This kid is insane, man

Took up a collection just to send him to the mainland

“Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came, and

The world's gonna know your name. What’s your name, man?”

- 'Alexander Hamilton', from the Broadway musical, Hamilton

Last weekend I traveled to Bath. This was the first time I had visited since the pandemic. Although I did come in 2018, it was a fairly fleeting visit as a tourist. This time, I made a point to revisit the places that had shaped me as I grew up.

I was born and raised in Bath. Although my family moved to Bangladesh when I was between the ages of 7-9, the rest of the time I lived there. at 18 I went to study in Sheffield, but like most students returned home for holidays over the next few years.

Like many graduates in the UK, I then ended up moving to London for work. There wasn’t really an official point I ‘left’ Bath, but when my parents also moved to London, I had far less reason to return. So I naturally just stopped coming.

Fast forward to January 2023, there wasn’t any particular reason for me to go to Bath. Nonetheless, I felt there was something important for me to explore about my own upbringing. The personal development journey can lead us to different places. Recently, I had felt a calling to return (much like I had done when I went to visit Paris a few months ago).

Back in the day, I used to work in the Roman Baths Museum. I would return to this jobs between my studies and the way I kept my bank balance afloat throughout university. I would work there most holidays for about four or five years.

I had reconnected with some old colleagues over the last few months. One thing leading to another, we managed to arrange a mini reunion of sorts.

Some of us were still based in Bath, others had moved outside the town or to London, but there were a good 10 or so people that I saw. I also managed to blag myself a free entry into the Roman Baths too for a nostalgic walk around. It was a bit jarring to be back, but also great to see how people had since developed over the last 6-7 years.

Whilst in Bath, I took some time for myself. I walked past the house I first grew up in for the first decade or so of my life. Since we had moved to a different house on the other side of town, I hadn’t passed by since then. So this walk was the first time I had seen this house in around fifteen years.

When I have dreams where something dangerous is happening, I often dream about being in this house. I remember one dream I was inside during a zombie apocalypse. This home felt like a safe house, free of the dangers – perceived or real from the external world.

I had a really nice conversation with a lady who saw me wandering around this cul-de-sac. She lived in the house across the road and asked whether I was lost. I had a very nice conversation reminiscing about how we would used to play with our bikes outside the house. Although I didn’t go inside, I could remember the different areas of the house, and how we would keep a lot of toys in the garage for us to play with.

I also took the time to walk through my school. I had forgotten how nice it was, and how fortunate I was to have such a privileged upbringing. My parents had the means to pay for a top-quality education. I had not appreciated what that offered me, but having since seen what else is in the world, I now could appreciate the gifts I had been given.

Before this weekend, I had a relatively negative view of Bath. I would often describe it as a boring place to grow up, and that it was difficult to fit in considering the majority-white background of the people here. Whilst this was not untrue, what I was also missing was the great things that I did get from growing up in an international, humble, historic-yet-modern city.

I felt genuinely welcomed when I came back. Perhaps mentally I had the idea that people would be resentful that I had gone off to live my life, but the opposite was true.

There is a relaxed acceptance that the young will want to move out and experience the world. After all, the lifeblood of the city is linked to the millions of tourists coming to visit. The resident population itself is also filled with people who have embarked on their own world journeys and later settled in the city, perhaps for retirement.

When walking down the road, I heard some younger folk chatting. I don’t recall what they said, but the slow and warm melody of southern English speech was something I hadn’t heard in a long time. I had forgotten how much I had missed it.

I couldn’t help but remark that my recent work on myself has been on how I can be more loving and understanding in the way I speak. The irony is that this was what I had grown up with, and it’s only since moving away to London and beyond that I had forgotten the slowed down, warmth in my voice. This was not something I had to learn, but merely remember about myself.

I returned to Brussels on Monday. It’s probably the first time I felt genuinely homesick when leaving the UK in many years.

Telling ourselves negative stories of the past also serves as a defense mechanism for those of us who leave. But it also deprives us of the pride and gratitude of the place we grew up in.

I still am readjusting to this new shift around my past. The memories of looking back to the past I realise don’t have to be so negative. I don’t have to gloss over where I’ve come from, as if it was something I’m embarrassed by.

Somehow my life journey makes far more sense, and I feel clearer of who I am and where I came from.

This journey isn’t always pleasant. There are things that I’ve seen about my past and about myself that I’ve not liked seeing. But facing these things allows us to genuinely let go of anything that doesn’t serve us. It also allows us to better connect with who we are.

I know that it’s no coincidence that my instinct told me to come back to Bath. There was some healing for me to do on the path of living into my own greatness.

Where does your healing journey take you?

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How to be truly consistent in your life

Early in my career, I worried about being a ‘streaky’ character. I would often ask myself – can I really be consistent over longer periods of time in the workplace? After all, I had done several internships of shorter timeframes ranging from 2 to 6 months.

At this point in my life, I was regularly getting into a state of mind where I was thinking about my next opportunity, so when I got my first actual permanent job, the idea of staying for several years felt overwhelming.

What I’ve since learnt from experience is that consistency is a characteristic we choose to be, rather than one that we are born with.

In fact, this article is actually a particular achievement for me. It marks a year since I last missed writing an article for a week in this newsletter. In other words, I’m on a 53 week streak. It’s crazy to think that I’ve managed to keep up this level of consistency for such a long time.

Ironically, for most of the last year, I didn’t even realise that I was being so consistent. I just felt a natural urge to write, so I did. There were times (particularly this December) where I didn’t feel like writing anything. But I did it anyway, because I chose to commit to my writing.

Some tactics help – I give myself leeway on when exactly I publish my articles. Recently I’ve slipped to doing them on the weekends rather than the weekdays. I also tend to keep notes of things that have come up and reflections that I want to make – it makes the writing process easier when an idea has been brewing in the back of my mind.

But I also don’t pre-bake articles either. I do not have a ‘bank’ of spare articles in case I don’t feel inspired. I have no judgement for those who do this, but I prefer to keep my writing fresh rather than batching blogs.

The consistency worked because it worked for me. It is a personal thing after all. But equally, the way that I am being has shifted to naturally be more consistent.

The way I see and act in the world is very different to when I first started publishing articles. Before, I felt like I had to find something to say, now I feel like I harness the energy of the things I notice around me and the words flow out. It feels a lot more effortless.

There’s a phrase that has really been guiding me through the last few weeks in particular – the way you do anything is the way you do everything. Commitment isn’t just tied to a single thing. When I realise I am not really living into the way I want to show up in the world, I take a step back and readjust.

Consistency flows from me being my word. If I say I am going to do something, I tend to do it. This includes even when I’m not feeling like it. Generally when I make an offer, or schedule something, I want to keep to my word. I’m not perfect, but I’m certainly stronger at this than I was a few years ago.

A large part of the shift to keeping my commitments is shifting into the drivers seat of life. No longer do I let the excuse of being a victim of circumstance push me off course so easily. I don’t tend to use the reasoning of ‘oh I would love to do that but I’m too tired after work’. Suddenly I’m seeing my friendships blossom, and my trust in myself increase as a result, as well as numerous other things.

This has been a journey. There is no magic fix to becoming more consistent. It’s simply working on yourself and seeing where you can live by your word more often.

The good news is that you are far more consistent already than you realise. Some people live with the believe (as I did) that it wasn’t in my nature to be consistent. The reality is that you do many things already – you brush your teeth, make breakfast each day, turn up to work and do numerous other things regularly without fail. This is consistency in action, so you know you are capable of it.

The magic is seeing how you can bring that to a wider set of things in your life. Look at how consistent you are being with your partner, your work and your friends. Then slowly adjust to being more consistent with them.

Small actions like turning up late are the things you can adjust without actually that much effort. Quickly these actions build into a dramatic shift in how you’re living your life.

So if you want to be more consistent, practice consistency. You can start right now.

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