Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash
Attitudes have progressed a lot in the last few years. We see more open discussions around burnout and mental wellbeing. Nevertheless, emotional sensitivity, particularly in ‘professional’ settings, is still seen as an unwanted, or bad trait.
At best, sensitivity is something to be tolerated. It’s okay to be emotional, but as long as it’s done in private, or outside of the workplace.
But sensitivity is what makes us human, and in a world where we use terms like having ’emotional intelligence’, it’s something that is sorely lacking in the business world (not to mention in our personal lives too).
I’ve been guilty of this myself. Back when I worked in the UK Government, I fell into the mindset of being as rational as possible. I thought this was what it meant to be successful. The answer for me always seemed to be about having the best argument or line of reasoning, and it would bewilder me why everyone else didn’t do the same.
Ironically, my journey has been one of reconnecting with my emotions over the course of my adult life. It started with realising that not everything is about winning the argument. It then progressed to realising that the intuitive sense I had came from an ability to connect and understand people in a deeper way. I thought this was normal for everyone. Turns out its not.
The last two weeks have been a very confronting journey for me around sensitivity. Rather than being a brain bot with a bit of emotions as I had previously thought, I’m learning that the opposite is more true – I am a deep emotional reservoir with some thinking behind it.
I had come across the term ‘highly sensitive person’ before, but I never thought it applied to me. Yes, I can be emotional, but who isn’t? Well, it turns out, actually a lot of people aren’t as sensitive as I am. There’s an estimated 20% of people who are highly sensitive, and this holds true for both men and women. But for me as a man, I learnt to push that side away: who would want to be labelled a shy, crybaby in this culture?
But as I’ve been reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, a lot of things in my life suddenly make far more sense. A classic case is my tendency is to seek pleasure, but then get overstimulated and exhausted. I’ve seen this several times this year, particularly after my trip to India in February.
Other characteristics are more trivial – I never really understood why I didn’t finish Breaking Bad. I watched a lot of it – several seasons in fact. But I ended up finding it too heavy to watch in the evenings after work. I just didn’t want to subject myself to the emotional stress that each episode gave me, so I stopped. Turns out that’s a pretty clear sign of emotional sensitivity.
What I am seeing is how much my sensitivity is a gift – subtle shifts in people’s behaviours are things that seem very obvious to me and give me a great ability to read people’s energy. In a business setting, it’s why I’ve had a real advantage in being able to read the room, feel subtle shifts in energy and being able to understand people’s underlying motivations.
Nevertheless, my tendency to get overstimulated can also mean I can get skittish or very critical at points that come as a surprise to other people. This can also play into my feeling that I am misunderstood. So it is really important that I manage my time to give the space I need so that I do not get overaroused.
What I am seeing is how connecting to my sensitivity is allowing me to connect much better with the people around me. I am much more in tune with life and my experience of emotions like happiness are heightened. The fact I haven’t been doing this as much as I could is what has been holding me back.
So from a business perspective, sensitivity is what allows us to connect, and really make things happen by working with others. We can get so caught up in the machines and systems that we forget that the real way to make an impact is by connecting with people at a human level.
From a personal perspective, life is much richer. Feeling is a gift, and one that is to be cherished. Letting down my armour has been very emotionally painful, as it has required me understanding why I put them up in the first place. Nonetheless, my life is much more fulfilling when I can really enjoy it by experiencing the emotional side more fully.
So even if you see yourself as not particularly emotional, remember this – you are human, and you are living as much an emotional experience as a physical one. Opening up further to emotions is what gives the excitement and richness of life. Failure to do so, and life can pass you by.
If you are someone who sees yourself as sensitive then remember that experiencing emotions is a gift (even when it doesn’t feel like it!). It’s what makes our experiences deeper and richer. It isn’t something that you need to push away, even if you are experiencing something difficult. Being open to the bounties of life only makes it more rich when we taste the fruit.
If you’d like to learn more about my experiences around opening my heart to my own sensitivity, drop me a message.