The power of acknowledging our own greatness

This week I attended a coaching immersion down in Kent, UK. I was one of 12 in an awe-inspiring group of people doing incredible things in the world.

I have a notebook filled with a year’s worth of articles. I won’t attempt to summarise them all in a single post here, but the content will pour through over the coming months.

One thing I will share is that at the end of the immersion each of us wrote acknowledgements for one another. I received some of the most powerful and touching acknowledgements I’ve ever received in my life.

Once we had read all these acknowledgements, it was time to write an acknowledgement to ourselves. Here is what I wrote about myself:

Tahmid, you are an exceptional, unique human being with an incredible, one-of-a-kind gift. Greatness is you, awaits you and is your destiny. The trials have been created to take you to ever higher levels. Own it. Embrace it. Be it. The world is at your fingertips.

I have never written a statement like this before. But in the moment it felt like exactly what I both needed to say and to hear. I was in a trance-like state when I wrote it. These are powerful words that even surprise me now when reading them back.

The theme of this week for me has been the realisation, recognition and acknowledgement of my own power. We went deep, and I shared some of my deepest personal struggles that I haven’t spoken about before. The experience got rather intense, and it felt like being in a pressure cooker when we were confronted with some very stark realities about our lives.

But it is in the discomfort that we find our greatest space of growth. Coming through such experiences gives us a new level of self-knowing. Things that once felt scary suddenly start to feel easy. It was unsurprising that a friend remarked that on my return I had a charged energy that was visible before I even talked about the experience on the immersion.

Whilst the experience was powerful, one thing we discussed is how gaining insights in of itself does not actually do really do anything unless we act upon them. (Actually, it was put in less eloquent terms: ‘f*** insights’).

For me, I’ve been sitting on my book, Make Diversity Matter to You since releasing it over six months ago. Despite putting in the work and building my knowledge and experience, I haven’t done as much as I really could to share my work with the world.

It’s why during the immersion I committed to creating the Make Diversity Matter to You Programme. It’s a month long experience starting in July consisting of four 90 min weekly webinars and a community group with peer learning activities and resources. Along with the webinars, each participant will get one recorded 30 minute laser session, along with an hour private coaching session.

This is beyond what other courses I’ve been on in the way it blends the learning on diversity elements with the personal transformation aspects.This was actually part of creating a ‘no-brainer’ offer during the immersion, so all of this is for £350 / €350, even though I know that the value is at least five times this price.

Acknowledging my greatness means sharing it with the world, so it is time I do that. If you’re interested in knowing more about the programme, drop me a message. I would also be really appreciative if you could share this with anyone who you think would be interested by this.

The importance of simplicity in our messaging

Photo by Courtnie Tosana on Unsplash

I’ve worked in technical fields throughout my career, using words that most people would simply not understand. A key skill has been to make these things understandable and relatable for anyone.

In the UK government, I went through writing policy on European Accessibility, coordinating statutory instruments for a wide berth of policy areas from product safety to state aid. Now I work on policy around sustainability including terms like net zero, circular economy and industrial decarbonisation. That’s not even mentioning my interest in the spiritual side of personal development and diversity and inclusion.

So I’ve had my fair share of technical topics. I could easily bamboozle the people around me through specialist language, acronyms and obscure terminology. But learning to explain things to people in simple, short sentences has greatly enhanced my ability to get people to actually care about the stuff I’m talking about. Unfortunately, many people are not doing this very basic step, even though it is available to all of us.

I’m really grateful for my time when I worked in government. Our ministers would expect simple, clear language to explain complex issues. The skill to write clearly and effectively is such an important one, and it’s one which is grossly lacking in our complex world.

There is a great missed opportunity for many professionals because they cannot explain things to the layperson. Many very important causes are left into the niches of society, only attracting other subject matter experts who congregate to deepen their understanding of terminology.

One of the really refreshing things about connecting with the coaching world is that it’s a real eye opener as to how much I’m influenced by the bubble I’m in. I remember speaking to a coach about an event I was working on at COP26 (the large climate conference which was taking place in Glasgow two years ago). Once I finished speaking, she asked me what COP was, as she hadn’t heard of it. Considering my existence in the sustainability world is so focussed on such events, it was a wake-up call that most people don’t actually really care about the stuff I do.

Some of my biggest successes has been to speak in clear, relatable language. I wrote a paper to my executive committee with recommendations on race, the first time a network lead had been invited to the highest level of the organisation. All the recommendations were agreed because they were clear and properly explained within two pages without needing additional context. It sounds obvious, but when people actually understand what you’re saying, they’re far more likely to engage.

There’s plenty of space for me to develop here too – yesterday I continued on my Toastmasters pathway with a speech on my leadership journey. Whilst I did a strong speech with a lot of colour, I was a tad guilty of trying to cram in a bit too much. My mind can move very fast, so I wanted to share about three different stories in one speech. I can sometimes overwhelm the people I’m speaking to because of how quickly I’m moving from one topic to the next. So I can improve by slowing down and focussing on a single idea more concretely.

The fascinating thing about personal development is how personal it is. I share my own experiences to demonstrate that we can always continue learning. But the challenges I face are very unlikely to be the same for you. The gift is being able to see what areas we can improve upon, and communication is a key part of our lives.

When I work with coaching clients, a lot of my work is reflecting on how people are showing up in the world. Our gestures and subtle actions say so much about our state of mind. When we are stressed, we are unlikely to be open to receiving people’s energy. This can mean we miss key social and emotional cues from the people around us. We risk falling more into the spiral of stress due to the frustration that this causes.

If you find you’re not being received in the way you like, the first place to look is how clear you are being. Remember, if you’re not clear with yourself, it’s nearly impossible that the other person will get your message clearly either.

Fortunately there are several ways of improving our communication. Simply taking a breath goes a long way in changing the energy we are giving. It also allows us more space to think about how we are being received, rather than only on what we are saying. Clubs like Toastmasters are also great for this due to the amount of feedback you get. If you don’t know anything about Toastmasters, feel free to ask me in a DM. Coaching can give a more in-depth look at how you’re showing up in the world. This gives a chance to go even deeper and explore underlying behaviour. If there’s something that has come up from this article which you’d like to explore further, I’m more than happy to have a conversation with you.

The Power of Movement to Free the Soul

Last evening I went to my first ecstatic dance party in London. I wasn’t really sure about what to expect, but I’ve been enjoying entering into new experiences without too much thought.

Ecstatic dance parties are a no-alcohol, shoes-off, no chit-chat experience. More ethereal vibes and melodic, hypnotic music.

It was probably the most fun I’ve had moving with my body that I’ve had in years. I’ve known for a while that I want to get more comfortable with the way I blend with music, but often my mind would click in and I would get self-conscious if anyone was listening.

But here there was time and space to explore where my body wanted to go. I could wonder around the blends of people whilst throwing my hands and legs around however I liked.

Now, I’m a bit more used to what can be described as ‘woo-woo’ things. So I was not phased by the incense, Indian art prints on the wall or the pause for a guided meditation. One of the reasons I’m enjoying life so much more is because I’ve broken free from the self-consciousness and self-judgement.

I noticed in myself an opening up of my flowing movement. What I saw in myself and other men was a somewhat stilted, disconnection with the body. It was either quite static or jerky motions. But as the evening wore on, these opened up to more rhythmic movements that were more closely aligned with the music.

For the women in the room, it started more closed. Whilst the connection to the rhythm came more naturally, there was a gradual shift away from closed body language to a more open, accepting nature to the world around them.

My personal interpretation is that this was a live rebalancing of our masculine and feminine energy. For the men it’s about reconnecting with the flowing energy of the feminine, whilst for the women it is reconnecting to the directional energy of the masculine.

I really enjoyed my time there and I would love to go back. So I was happy to see that these things exist in Brussels too. Now this stuff might be a bit out there for a lot of people. It does have some more spiritual vibes that might turn people off. But coming with an open mind can lead to a really fun evening, even if you don’t expect to be into this sort of stuff.

It also serves to challenge our narratives around dance and movement. Current western culture puts a premium of dancing only after we get drunk and for when we are seeking sex in a night club. But movements of our bodies are so much more than these things. We do not need to lose our inhibitions to enjoy our own body movements.

I am feeling real benefits in my body the day after. I feel more in tune with myself, and less driven by the thoughts in my mind. I’m calmer and more content with life.

So if you find yourself losing connection to your body, check out ways that you can move it in a delicate, fun way. That might be going to one of these ecstatic dance parties, or it might be one of many other ways.

P.s. if you’re in Brussels and fancy going to one of these anytime soon, let me know!

Self-expression sets us free

Yesterday was Pride in Brussels. This is the third time I’ve been to Pride here, and I love how Brussels converts itself to a colourful, party atmosphere.

I bumped into at least a dozen people I knew from different areas of my life, most of which weren’t LGBT+ identifying. I really get the sense of Pride in Brussels being a community gathering. I also got to know so many new people yesterday, and it’s rare to have such an open atmosphere where making friends is so easy.

Prides are organised to celebrate the diversity of the LGBT+ community. It also serves to highlight the issues, such as higher rates of discrimination and violence. So whilst the party brings the day alive, Pride is a tool for advocacy.

I attended a workshop earlier in the day about the experiences of queer people in public spaces. many people do not feel comfortable using basic facilities. Places that we take for granted – parks, metros, libraries, public toilets – can be a dangerous place for queer people because they are discriminated for the way they dress or look. In a day of partying, I was glad to spend some time taking a look at the more serious issues too.

What I also love about pride is that it gives the space for greater self-expression, particularly around how we look and dress. It’s fun to get playful with basic things like glitter and makeup, which is outside of normal societal convention. For men, it’s actually a fun opportunity to explore these things which are traditionally only for women.

I wore nail glittery nail polish yesterday. I found it actually very fun to have some shine. Whilst this may seem out of the ‘norm’, men have been using makeup thousands of years. Walking through a residential district earlier in the day, it also made me appreciate how self-conscious I felt in doing something outside of the ‘norm’ and how this can be a barrier for many people.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of considering how I look. As someone who used to wear suits to the office each day, I’ve been somewhat programmed into rather unexciting outfits. Beyond basic considerations of hygiene, the way I dress demonstrates how I want to show up in the world.

This has had multiple positive effects. I now take far better care of myself with improved skin care. I enjoy getting ready for the day because there is more intentionality in how I show up. Starting the day this way brings far more positivity then throwing on the same old clothes. I’m also having a new space for a creative outlet which is adding a lot more joy to my life.

There is a lot that men can learn from women in this respect. It is far more common for women to spend more time considering the way they look. The women I know are also far stronger at using colour and wardrobes shift as seasons change. As a man, I’ve generally kept the same t-shirt/jumper/trousers comibations for years. Whilst there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, it probably has made my life rather stale at times.

The beauty of Pride for me this year is that I would not have considered these things so deeply if I wasn’t exposed to new ways of thinking. Seeing others dress in all sorts of ways demonstrates what is possible. Having spoken to people from the LGBT+ community too, it’s one of the few days where they get to dress how they really want to, but usually would not do so as they would not feel comfortable to do so. So whilst wearing party outfits may just seem like a bit of fun on the surface, it actually has a real link to our sense of self, our expression and more holistically our wellbeing.

Whether you attend Prides or not, there is a message here for you. Bringing more intentionality and expression in the way you look will bring a greater element of fun and creativity in your life. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want more of those things.

Change your life difficulty settings to get the results you want

Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash

Recently I’ve been getting caught up with the different goals in my life. I’ve fallen into the trap of longing for the future where I’ve ‘got to’ the place. This is particularly the case with my coaching business.

When we fantasise about achieving something or reaching a certain status, we believe that once we do something in the future, then we can be happy. In reality, once we get to that point, we arrive only to find a new set of issues. The only place we can find contentment is in this moment, right now.

I’ve spoken a lot to my own coach around slowing down. It can feel counterintuitive to think that doing things slower can make us achieve them faster, but it is often true.

Rushing around saps us of our energy. In our frenzy to complete pre-determined tasks, we miss the opportunities that are staring us right in the face. For me, this has been around developing my relationships with the people around me. I’ve been sociable, but being worn out means that I’m not really being as present as I could be.

My shift in the last 14 days has been to focus around my patterns. The more I gave myself space for rest, the more I found my mind settling down. It was like returning to a healthy rhythm. Life has felt far easier.

Examining our life’s rhythm lets us critically examine how hard or easy we are making life for ourselves. Too hard and we will spin in a cycle of exhaustion. Too easy and we will not lose our comfort zone, and watch our dreams go unfulfilled.

So let’s set ourselves the correct balance. Something that gives us a good amount of challenge, but won’t leave us feeling so frustrated that we just want to give up.

I often play on my Playstation during my downtime, and in video games you get to choose the difficulty you want to play at. Generally I set it on the medium difficulty for an enjoyable challenge. Once I gain proficiency I can look at taking bigger challenges or increasing the difficulty. If I’m really struggling I can also turn it down.

Whatever challenge you may be facing, you can adjust the settings to play it in your favour. If you want to start a new project, you can increase the difficulty parameters by giving yourself a deadline, or a stretching target. If things feel too much, try lowering the difficulty by giving yourself more time or finding ways people can help you with it.

Quite often we can feel guilty about wanting to make things easier for ourselves. But having the right level of challenge is critical, otherwise we may give up, or burn ourselves out with an impossible task.

What’s the difficulty level for your goals?

The state of your room indicates the state of your life

Photo by Krystal Black on Unsplash

For the last few weeks, I’ve been putting off tidying my room. For example, when I came back from my recent trip from the UK, it took me a week before I unpacked and moved my mini suitcase. It lay in the middle of the room like an obstacle course.

The rather ridiculous thing was that I was coming from my parent’s home, meaning everything inside was already washed and clean, so packing it away would take me less than five minutes.

My state of mind betrays the way that I’ve been living my life. When I am too busy to take care of basic things around the house, I am in a constant mode of doing. I’ve felt quite tired and lethargic after spending each day running on my self-created task treadmill, so I’ve generally not ‘felt like’ cleaning up.

But having a mess in my room has a negative effect on my sleep, as it is harder to relax. This in turn perpetuates the mediocre sleep cycle.

This seems very obvious now. This weekend, I changed my bed sheets for the first time in what feels like ages, to the point I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it. The feeling of having clean sheets makes such a difference in being able to relax at night.

From a practical perspective, this negative sleep cycle does not help us. But more importantly, it highlights what we are saying about ourselves. Generally, I am someone who likes to keep a relatively clean living environment (I’m not a perfectionist but I don’t like living like a slob either). Yet when I’ve been in the mode of constantly being busy, I’ve let my standards slip.

Our lack of discipline in personal and environmental hygiene is an indication of how we are currently seeing ourselves. Where we see our health and wellbeing as a priority, we keep up clean, healthy environments. When we focus on getting other things done, it demonstrates that we are putting our tasks over taking care of ourselves.

The funny thing is that these signs have shown up in multiple places. My body has been giving me signals – when I am stressed I sometimes develop eye twitches, and this has been pronounced in the last few days. I’ve also been speaking to my own coach about my energy levels because I’ve felt more worn out. I’ve felt tired and wanted to take naps during the day, whilst normal tasks have felt more mentally draining than usual. The signs have all been there, even if I haven’t been willing to properly acknowledge them.

What has changed my perspective on prioritising myself is realizing that without me being at my best, I am far less potent in all the things I do. Athletes spend as much time exercising as they do resting.

Without proper rest, we are not nearly as potent as we can be. When I hosted an impromptu barbecue on Monday, I felt my energy levels being pretty low. It wasn’t terrible, but both the energy I gave out and the enjoyment I got from the event was lower than it would have been otherwise.

This also applies to our work lives. Where we are tired and stressed, our energy is mediocre. We are less effective with people, and our results come out average. Challenging tasks can feel overwhelming, and we can fall into a cycle of exhaustion.

Each day starts from our bedrooms, and if we are ‘too busy’ to tidy this up, then we will stay in the perpetual state of busy for the rest of the day.

But when we are calm and relaxed, we take the time to naturally improve our surroundings anyway. It’s no coincidence that I tidied up my place when I had a free weekend. Slowing down my mind returns me to my basic instinct – to keep a well-preserved, neat place around me.

So take this article as an invitation to view your surroundings. Start with your bedroom, but also look at the rest of your living/working spaces. If they feel busy, they’ll make you feel busy. This is not optimal for your wellbeing and productivity.

The 30-60 minutes of tidying will pay exponential dividends, so take the time to do it.

Plant the seeds for the life you want to live

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.

Last weekend, I was hosting an interview as part of the Ultimate Coach Book Instagram series. I’ve been taking up a semi-regular spot on it, and the aim of the series is to explore how the book, The Ultimate Coach, has transformed people’s lives. It’s a book that I first year a year ago, and have re-read several times since.

One of the concepts we talked about was around ‘planting seeds’. The Ultimate Coach is about a man named Steve Hardison – though the point of the book is to read it about your own life, rather than a biography of him. I attended The Ultimate Experience event in London last year, where I heard Steve speak more about this idea.

Our lives are created based upon the seeds we are planting. If we want a field of sweetcorn, we better plant sweetcorn seeds. That makes sense for us logically, but this also applies to what we want in life. For example, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want a happy, positive and fulfilling life. So the best thing to do is plant happy, positive and fulfilling seeds. It is very simple, yet very effective.

Many of us want these things – happiness, success, love, money or any other number of things. Yet the seeds we plant are the opposite. What we plant is frustration, unhappiness, scarcity and defeatist seeds instead. Unsurprisingly we then get these things in our life.

The biggest mindset shift I have had is realising that I am creating my life, whether I am conscious of it or not. Where I am spending time being angry or upset, I am building that into the creation of my life. If I spend 90% of my time focussing on things that make me unhappy, I am planting unhappiness seeds, which will grow into unhappiness trees.

It takes some time to recognise our patterns. Fortunately, many of us realise at some point that we are unhappy. Unfortunately, if we recognise this, our mind can create justifications through ‘rational reasoning’ that these negative feelings are necessary. For example, I used to have the belief that to be successful I had to be unhappy. My mind somewhere filled in the blanks that successful people are generally unhappy, so to make an impact in the world I had to live in misery. My implicit thinking was that once I had reached my success, had the money and created an easier life, then I could finally enjoy life.

I am glad I found the world of coaching and personal development without needing to spend another 20 years of my life before debunking this way of thinking. The reality is that there is no end-point where things magically change. I was planting misery seeds, and in 20 years time I would have realised that I was still miserable despite the fantasy salvation awaiting me at the end of the rainbow.

The incredible shift in my life has been realising that I can create what I want in my life, and I can create it now. For a long time I felt quite powerless around keeping an active social life. I felt like I did not have a frequent connection with the people I knew, so I felt quite restricted with pursuing social activities.

Last year, I reached out to more people than I probably have ever done. I set a clear intention of investing in relationships, and I took the time to meet up with people. Where in the past I would give these up because I might have felt ‘too tired’, I gave these a priority.

Rather than be a victim to my circumstance, I created the social connections that I wanted. And the results have transformed how I feel about the relationships around me. I had a moment last week where I had a wave of contentment hit me. I realised I was happy with my social life and life in Brussels. I planted the seeds, and although it took a bit of time, the seeds are bearing fruit.

The funny thing is that the biggest shift has been in myself. I am so much more used to reaching out to people now, that when I meet someone new it feels far easier than it ever did before. There is an ease in me that I previously did not know was possible.

The best bit is that this idea of planting seeds is available in any aspect in our lives. Want to make more money? Plant the seeds – this could be via picking up new skills or building professional relationships. It could also be in your love life – either to find a new partner or deepen your relationship. This is not about finding quick wins. It is about cultivating change over a longer time period. This will have a far greater impact.

You can create what you want in life. And you can start now.

Our language creates how we experience the world

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

This week, I’ve been in several conversations about the massive power language has in the way we live our life.

Over the last year, I’ve done a lot of work on myself to become more conscious about the words I use. It was my own coach who first picked up on this in my language. at first I thought the idea of him nit-picking as quite pedantic. Looking back on it now, I am extremely grateful for the shifts I’ve made.

The language we use is the way we create our reality. For example, if we say that the meeting we’re going to have this afternoon is going to be ‘tedious’ or ‘boring’, we are already creating this to be how we are going to experience it. I’ve been far more mindful in the way I have been prejudging situations. Holding off on these labels has meant I show up in situations far more open. This in of itself is a massive lesson.

But the power of language goes even deeper. The way we describe events can cause emotional reactions which frame our wider worldview. I was recently in a meeting to discuss some of the political shifts happening in the world, and what this meant for the climate movement. The words I frequently heard were around the ‘threats’ and ‘dangers’ of the changes taking place. I remarked at how hard it is to not feel my cortisol levels rise from hearing these words. It did not serve me or anyone to have a level headed conversation.

The irony was that the conversation later stemmed to how we can better engage those who we do not necessarily agree with, and how us people working in the climate space can come across as ‘elite’ or ‘know-it-alls’. I remarked that if we are spending our time painting those who disagree with us as enemies using battlefield imagery, it is no wonder that we will find it hard to have an engaging, open conversation.

Language also relates to the way we talk about ourselves. This week, I posted about a conversation I had with someone around the word ‘try’. When we say we will try to do something, we are casting doubt on whether we will follow through on our word. The more damaging part is that it only serves to make us doubt our own ability to accomplish what we want to.

I’ve seen the spiralling negative effects that ‘try’ can have. We start by saying that we will try to do something. This half-hearted commitment means that we fail to accomplish what we said we would do. This makes us doubt ourselves even more, so we become even more afraid to commit. We end up using words like ‘I might’ or ‘I’ll try’ more often. We learn to not trust ourselves because we can see how often we don’t follow through in our actions.

The shift I’ve made is to cut out ‘trying’ from the majority of my vocabulary. It means I have to be clear on what I am going to do, or not going to do. I fence-sit far less, and it means I show up in the world as far more dependable than I did in the past. The results have been fabulous, and this is the happiest I’ve been in areas such as my social life, because I am clear when I will see people.

Another word to look out for is ‘should’. Often this word is used on others – that person should be more polite, respectful, caring etc. When we use ‘should’ we are coming from a place of judgement. We are putting standards on other people based upon our world view.

The more time we spend judging, the less time we spend understanding. Telling people what they should do is making an attack on their decision-making skills, as well as their personal autonomy. Unless we are actually courtroom judges, it’s not our job to tell people what they should be doing. On top of this, people rarely like being told what they ‘should’ do. It’s ineffective, and if you’re looking to bring a behavioural change in someone, this approach rarely actually works. Ironically, we use it all the time anyway.

The more damaging thing about ‘should’ is that it creates a universal judgement of what is right or wrong. When we think that someone else should be polite, we are also placing that judgement on everyone – including ourselves. I wrote an article last year about how the more we judge others, the more we judge ourselves. Spending our day talking about what others ‘should’ do puts ever-more standards onto ourselves, and it is hard to live under the pressure of these rules we have inadvertently made.

This often manifests to us talking about what we ‘should’ be doing. I hear this a lot when I first talk with people around coaching. The irony is that the only person deciding what we ‘should’ be doing is us. The self-judgement doesn’t help us. Yet without realising, we find ourselves doing it anyway. Telling ourselves we ‘should’ be doing something is negative and draining. It is not effective for changing our behaviour. Instead, we can shift it to what we want to do, which feels lighter and more fun.

Language is powerful. So much about a person can be picked up simply by how they use words in their speech. When we clean our language up, we clean ourselves up. The way we show up in the world dramatically shifts.

How do you use language in your life?

The power of asking for what you really want

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

I’ve been taking a more direct approach to asking for what I want. LinkedIn is a great example of where this works, but really it exists in any facet of life.

A coach recently suggested that I reach out to somebody else to have a conversation. They were doing similar things – they had written a book and had done a lot of public speaking. They were a few steps ahead of where I am at. It was obvious that I could really benefit from this person’s knowledge, but they were also someone I had never met. They also sounded quite impressive, so I had no idea if they would respond.

I’ve been looking to be more proactive in doing what I say, so I just went ahead and sent a connection request, followed by a message. They responded within an hour. I then asked if we could have a conversation because I would love their advice. By the end of the day, we had booked something in the week later. The conversation itself was really helpful, but the biggest lesson was realising that connecting with someone was far easier to organise than I thought it would be.

We as humans are predisposed to help others. When someone asks for help, our natural tendency is to want to help them, even with people we don’t know.

I recently was in a social setting where I had a stranger coming up to me asking if I could help them with something. My initial response was that yes, I’d love to (if I could!). It then turned out that they were asking about whether I knew how to buy cocaine, so not really one I could help with! But it was notable how quick my own response was to see how I could help them, even without knowing what they wanted.

What I’ve also learnt is that there are a lot of people who are very successful and are very keen to help people where they can. Usually, these people have received their own support to get to where they are, so they are keen to play a role to help others. Their time is short, but they know their experience can really make a difference.

What often holds us back from making these requests in the first place is our thinking around the issue. We can create such fantastical stories about why someone could not or would not want to help. It essentially means that we don’t ask in the first place. A single request can open up our world, and we are doing ourselves a disservice by not asking.

Before you start making requests, there are a few things to bear in mind. Firstly, It is important that a request be something that someone can realistically help you with. Whilst there is nothing wrong with being bold with a request (i.e. asking for a lot), if it is something that someone cannot help you with, the answer will almost always be no.

For example, I would not ask a friend with no electrical experience to rewire the electrics in my house. Aside from being a bit confused why I would be asking them, they also would have no idea what to do.

Another issue is that people ask for things without really knowing what they want. When going to someone for help (particularly when their time is limited) the requests can be so vague that it’s hard to respond. I’ve received messages in the past where someone would ask for advice in something as broad as on what they should go to university or what to do for their careers. I have no problem with someone asking me for help. However, without giving any context or more information about themselves, I find it difficult to answer any of these questions.

So much depends on an individual’s personal circumstance, and it can sometimes feel like they are outsourcing their decision-making rather than looking to learn from my experience. In these instances, I would recommend instead asking for a conversation rather than some blanket advice which is neither particularly useful, nor easy to give effectively.

It is also important to make requests without coming from a place of neediness or expectation. I’ve received requests online from people who ask for something, then explain why they really need me to help them. This comes across as a mix of entitlement and/or judgmental if I don’t help them.

Remember, a request is something that someone can say ‘no’ to. If you’re expecting the person to say ‘yes’, then you are making an expectation, not a request. If you are bringing this energy, would I actually want to help you?

Another form of this can be asking for advice, but then not liking what the person tells you. People can sometimes go for advice because they want their opinions validated. I have sometimes said things that people do not want to hear, and they have responded being upset with me.

Bold, clear requests are extremely powerful. Taking the time to write a clear message setting out why you are approaching this person, what you would like from them and how grateful you would be for their support is an extremely potent combination.

I’ve seen a complete shift in my results. I went from having at least half a dozen overdue ‘catch-ups’ all turned into calls within a two-week period because I gave a clear ask. This has already opened up several doors that were previously closed to me.

Be bold with your requests and you can create an incredible amount of opportunities. This is without changing anything else with your life.

If you’d like to start, you can make a request to me.

Finding clarity in your life will change your world

Photo by Hannah Wright on Unsplash

This week, a friend remarked at the shifts she had seen me make since I had last spoken to her a few months ago. She had really noticed the energy I was giving through the deeper sense of direction and the clarity I had. I’ve had a few conversations with people where they’ve remarked something quite similar. It seems like I have a better idea of who I am.

When people have been telling me this, it’s honestly not a big surprise. I can feel a different energy coming from me. The last few months have been filled with exploration tinged with a sense of uncertainty. This has now shifted to a clearer focus. I know what I want to do, and I know the great gifts I have to make this happen.

A part of this has been creating a new version of ‘My Document’ with my coach. This is something I recite several times a day. It is about the person I am choosing to be, and the place I want to come from each and every day. The power lies in the fact I believe them, which differentiates them from wanting to ‘manifest’ something new through affirmations.

Here is who I am:

I am that I live into my greatness each and every day

I am that my worth is immeasurable

I am that I have a deep appreciation for myself

I am ever-present

I am that I have all the time and energy in the world

I am a fountain of knowledge

I am a lover of learning

I am that my body is a temple

I am that I have world class people skills

I am that I lift people up to see their greatest potential

I am a master manager

I am a powerful and visionary leader

I am a master of my emotions

I am instant forgiveness

I am a magnet for love and kindness

I am one with everything

I am that I create peace globally

I am that the power of my mind will change the world

I am that sharing my gift is my destiny

This is who I am and this is who I create myself to be.

And the name given to me is Tahmid

I have sent audio recordings of My Document to anyone who has asked. If you would like to hear me recite it to you, drop me a message.

As part of this creation, I agreed a new game to play with my coach. I will make £25,000 in the next three months from coaching. It is entirely do’able, but only if I believe I an do it. If I had chosen to base this upon my previous coaching income, the idea would seem preposterous. But clarity of mind is an incredibly powerful thing. I can feel the shifts, and the more I live into who I am choosing to Be, the more it feels like me achieving this is a foregone conclusion.

If I could bottle the magic formula which has shifted in me to move from feeling unclear to having clarity, I would already have made my money, plus a whole lot more. Unfortunately, the process is a little more complex. That said, there are things that can help us shift towards getting clear in our lives.

Before starting, it’s important to remember feeling unclear is a natural part of the process. There is no shame in it, and I believe it is a part of life that we will all experience. There are point where we are meant to feel uncertain. Life gives us many choices, and there will be periods where we need to take time figuring things out. Sometimes we have to ride out these emotions, even if they are not comfortable.

A key part of the work towards clarity is understanding that we do not actually *need* anything more. I was in a conversation with someone this week who spoke about how they needed to be calmer to be a better public speaker. I invited them to consider that they didn’t need to be anything more than they already are.

When we recognise that we have everything we need, the feeling that we ‘should’ be doing something melts away. Coming from this place means that we can create things only because we want to, rather than because we feel we should. Everything feels lighter and clearer. The more we can reduce the burdens of our lives, as well as the judgments we have on ourselves, the simpler our lives get. Simplicity is what breeds magic.

When I went to India, I learnt of a new power that has changed the game for me. I actively reconnect to my heart whenever I feel unclear. I use it as my moral compass and I am guided by what it is saying. One of my favourite questions I now ask (both to myself and to other people) is ‘what does your heart yearn for?’. The heart is an incredibly powerful driver for Good in the world. However, many of us get caught up in our thoughts or our temporary emotions. Often we get caught up in both.

The heart speaks truth, and cuts through the trivial noise surrounding our lives. This intuitive power is incredibly powerful because I trust it to do what is right. Because I trust myself, I do not doubt whether what I am doing is the right thing.

Clarity also comes from action. We cannot understand what is needed until we show up on the court of life. When we sit in the stands, we might spend all of our time thinking and planning, rather than actually doign. What this actually means is we are just waiting. We are waiting for some magical bolt of lightening to tell us what is meant to be happening. No one is coming to tell us what to do. The reality is that if we spend all of our lives waiting, all we are waiting for is death.

Action is what kick starts our process towards learning. Whenever anyone asks me what it’s like to write a book, I tell them my secret.

Want to know what it is? It’s this:

The secret to writing a book is writing a book.

It’s as simple as that. If you want to do something, you have to do it.

Whilst that may sound extremely obvious, there are so many of us with unfulfilled dreams. And the lack of action is preventing us from ever achieving them. We may not even know what we want, but we will never know until we just start doing something. In the realms of uncertainty, action precedes clarity. For example, there are many things that I have not fleshed out when writing my second book, but I will fill in those gaps when I come to them.

Gaining clarity is a process, rather than something that just happens. But when we realise that the answer that we are seeking is already within us, it is then that we can realise that we don’t actually have to search for anything.

We just have to start living.

How much clarity do you have in your life?