We all want to belong. Even the most reclusive, Grinch-like people we know deep down desire it.
The modern day message is that when we do not belong, we should simply move on. The magical land of belonging is just beyond the hill, over the rainbow.
Yet what if searching for such sense of belonging is just but a fool’s dream?
I’ve spent so much time in the city recently, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in the countryside.
In fact, most of my life has been in city dwellings. It’s a little ironic, because my ancestral history has been from a village in rural Sylhet.
There’s something about being away from people, noise and organisations. When we spend so much time in the busy rush, we forget that such things aren’t a definitive fact. We did not always exist surrounded by thousands and thousands of people. In fact, for most of human history we have spent time in relatively small settlements.
Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash How do we know we’re on the right path? We decide it. I’ve recently realised how much I question myself. I regularly wonder whether what I am doing is correct, and whether I should re-evaluate or choose a different tact. I have gotten so used to using my brain […]
For the first time in quite a while, I’ve been waking up feeling lighter and sprightly.
This was in sharp contrast to the last few months: I would often wake up with such a heaviness and anxiety that it was hard to get out of bed, let alone start the day.
These weren’t any quantifiable anxieties either. It was more of a base feeling of heaviness that was clouding my existence. It was extremely debilitating. The ‘logical’ solutions weren’t working.
But a few days ago, something changed quite dramatically.
I’ve already started hearing stuff around vision boards and resolutions. I’m personally not a super fan of either. Not because neither of them can work, but because a lot of it comes out of societal pressure. And societal pressure rarely is conducive to meaningful change.
The most important method, whether it be manifestation, vision boards, resolutions or anything else is this: that you actually use it. We all know about resolutions that only last a week, with no genuine intention to actually meet them.
This year, however I was prompted around the idea of doing a theme.
As the year comes to a close, I’ve found myself returning to the bigger picture – my big ‘why’.
The point of dreams are to aim big, to stretch our thinking beyond what we currently think is possible. By going into the rational, we are losing our connection to what is beyond ‘realistic’.
One thing that’s really shifted my mindset on this is the idea of having a dream so big, that it would be literally impossible to achieve.
So what is my dream?
I’m back in London for the final time this year.
My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so I much prefer to come back a little before – it’s both more economical and far less stressful that way.
There’s something about spending a few days at home that gives space to notice the things that can easily pass you by. Perhaps because I have more time and space whilst I’m here. It’s a refuge from the responsibilities: even the most banal ones like doing the washing up.
But for me, going home also means going back to my home country.
I’ve gained ten kilos in the last 2-3 months.
I find this fact totally confounding. It’s not clear what’s really changed. If anything, I’ve probably been more healthy in the last few months. I’m exercising more, and paying more attention to what I eat.
Logic would say that I ought to have lost weight rather than gain it. In fact, I think it would be a challenge for anyone to gain 10 kilos in such a short amount of time even if they tried.
So how do I wrap my head around the facts in front of me?
Yesterday I had the authentic German experience.
I woke up after an overnight coach in Hamburg. I had a few hours to kill before the train arrived.
Well, it turns out I had longer than that. My train was delayed. At the beginning it said by 30 minutes. No big deal I thought. Until it got delayed again, by 20 minutes. And again. Eventually it came 80 minutes later.
The experience was a testing one for my level of zen.
The more I talk to people, the more I’m struck at how every one of us have beautiful dreams for our lives.
Unfortunately, many of us get resigned to the idea that such ideas are simply the tale of fiction. After all, we could never ever achieve something as preposterous as that.
But we were born to dream. It wasn’t a mistake. Nor was it a cruel torturous method to dangle a carrot in front of our faces that we were never destined to reach.