Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash
When I hear the word bubble these days, it’s often used in a somewhat pejorative sense. In fact, I’m probably the one using it in a critical manner. I often lament people living too much in their own comfortable bubble, or indeed the Brussels infamous ‘EU bubble’.
Yet this week I reflected that there is some value in having a sense of bubble around us. For me specifically, I’ve started imagining the idea of having a protective bubble whenever I am in social situations. This helps me stay grounded and give a sense of safety, wherever I might be.
A lot of people talk about the concept of authenticity. This is the idea that we behave in ways that are true to our values. Generally, I agree with this principle. Yet it also comes with a lot of connotations that are sometimes unhelpful.
I’ve personally fallen into the trap where I thought being authentic also meant that I need to be very visible about my authenticity. In practice, this has meant feeling like I need to demonstrate my authenticity out to the world. Authenticity in this sense can fall into zealotism, where preaching becomes a part of being ‘authentic’. I don’t think I’ve been guilty of that per se, but I probably wasn’t far away from it either.
What it did result in however, was a more miserable life. The idea that ‘being my word’ meant that I had to speak was not always helpful. A key part of navigating life is also discernment, and its close relation, discretion. Sometimes, we have to better judge when we actually do want to speak. There is no prizes for being a martyr to a cause. You’re unlikely to make a whole lot of change, and you’re probably just going to burn yourself out by doing it.
My new approach is more guarded. I went out this week with the idea of having an invisible bubble around me when interacting with people. Inside the bubble, I was safe and grounded. I would only lower the bubble if I actively decided to. This meant that I was slower to engage.
For someone as sensitive as me, even looking someone in the eyes can pull me away from my being. So this is a practice to counterbalance that I found it worked rather well. The small frustrations that I am prone to experience were less intense. I prioritised myself far more than I have done previously.
The prerequisite of this is being comfortable in my own skin. In this regard, it’s not an option that a lot of people have access to. Indeed, it would not have worked for me over the last two years. I felt a fairly constant internal instability. The truth is that this approach can often seem weird to others. If everyone is expected to be super sociable and you are not, people will be confused about your behaviour. It is why it is doubly important to be comfortable within yourself, otherwise it is too easy to fall to societal pressure.
Now, I am getting far more comfortable with being alone. I think this is nine tenths of the battle. Once we feel comfortable just being in our own company, the social angst slowly dissipates. It frees me up to do what I want, rather than getting caught up in other people’s lives (and often, their problems).
In social situations, I’m pretty relaxed with standing apart in silence. Honestly, it’s probably where I’m best suited. My views are often too avant-garde, so it’s better that people hear from me only if they directly ask. It’s a more lonely existence, but one that I’m increasingly accepting as my place in the world.
I think if people tapped into this idea of having a bubble around them, it would help navigate social situations. It’s something that can be lowered when necessary, and drawn back up when feelings of insecurity creep in.
If you feel called to it, try imagining it for yourself. How would you approach a social situation differently if you could return to your protective bubble whenever you wanted – even if it was just in your own head?
If it feels like something useful, then it may be worth trying.